Something's Gotta Give

Over extended. The perfect title for my life right now. I need to learn to better manage everything. I leave my house at 6:30 every weekday, arrive home around 5 depending on how early I leave work and how heavy traffic is. (Traffic usually equals ridiculously slow drivers who enfuriate me. We're not talking gridlock here.)

I get home and think, "Dinner? Hmm, I'm supposed to feed these people?" And then it's either fast food or something thrown together like spaghetti and broccoli and cheese. I sometimes feel like I'm on chopped. I open my cabinets and just wonder what I can make in 30 minutes with the random assortment available. 

Baths? Sometimes. I try to sneak in a shower after the heathens go to sleep, but sometimes that's after me. I pile us all in my bed, we (sometimes, not often enough) read a story and then I crash. 

Sometimes I try to tidy my ridiculously messy house, but not daily. I don't have the motivation or stamina. It's exhausting just thinking about it. There is clothes vomit in every corner of my house. I just keep buying laundry baskets to hold everything. I feel like the house is closing in around me at times. 

I know I should do better, but I just can't motivate myself. I'm not disciplined enough. That's not a cop-out, just stating facts. 

I wish I could work 3 or 4 days a week, and still send Baby to daycare every day so that I would have time to really get caught up. Though, it's not like it matters, I've organized the toy bins every other day since break and he just keeps dumping them. 

So there. My house and parenting skills are a mess and seriously lacking. Being out of my house 10.5 hours a day, then coming home to parent them alone half the time is kicking my butt. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, this is our life. But something's gotta give. 

And I need to do better. 

Resolutions

I rarely make or keep resolutions, but since it's New Year's Day, I'll write about some broad goals I would like to accomplish. 

I want to read more. I've updated my Reading Challenge page up top, you can see the books I read last year and the books I'm reading this year. They're linked to Goodreads, which I highly recommend if you're not a user. 

I've always been a reader, but I've never had the patience for "greats" or "classics." I'm starting the year with The Hobbit and plan to read the rest of The Lord of the Rings books as well. Hopefully I can make it through. 

I want to blog more. I think we can all agree that I failed epically at blogging last year. I had too much going on and my brain was too foggy to form coherent thoughts that anyone would care to read. I promise to try and be entertaining, buy mostly I like having an outlet for my ideas. I would write them on a notebook, but it would end up lost, broken, spilled on or possibly even eaten. These are just the consequences of raising small children. 

I want to be a better photographer. Not a professional photographer, I just want to learn more and be better. I want a nicer camera and I want to learn it inside and out. Then maybe someday I'll be able to pursue a real photography business. 

I want to be more honest. Having a blog can sometimes be a tough balance. There are days I want to rant about people that make me angry or get on my nerves, but that's not my intention with this blog. There are days I want to rant about my husband, but I know I shouldn't expose all parts of my life on a public blog, so I won't. But I do want to be more transparent about my life. I don't want it to be a place to talk about how perfect we are, I want it to be real. I also want to be more real in real life. I'm a sugar coater, and I need to man up a little. 

I want to have more patience. Ask my children about this. I get so worn out from being the only parent a week at a time, and I take those frustrations out on them. This one is less broad, on purpose. I want to be more understanding and less quick to blow my lid when they make mistakes. Or even when it's on purpose. 

Thankful Day 16

Archer went to pre-kindergarten this year. I was ready for it, then I wasn't, some days I'm still not and wish he could stay home with me. I think he feels the same way. I think we both know it's better for him to spend time at school so we don't make each other crazy. :)

But today I had Thanksgiving dinner with him at school. Well, he ate (a little) and I sat with him. It was fun and I am so thankful for the chance to do that. Thankful for the time with him. It was so surreal to me to watch this little guy carrying his lunch tray in a cafeteria. I just knew he would need help or wouldn't remember what to do, but he did such a good job. I was proud and sad at the same time. He really didn't need my help.

He's going to get his own day, but really, I'm so thankful for the memories we made today.

Thankful Day 15

Last night I told Chance I was starving for hot wings and he immediately suggested I go to the store and get stuff to make them. Instead I suggested we have them for dinner tonight.

I had tried hot wings before, but they didn't play a major role in my life until Chance met his friend Jeremiah. It was a kind of fate thing I think. Chance didn't really have any friends and Jeremiah had just moved to Oklahoma with his girlfriend and found a construction job with Chance and my dad. They really clicked at work, and like usual I had to push Chance to have a friend. (He's not good at it, he knows it)

After we hung out for the first time, it was set. He and his girlfriend lived close enough that we could spend time with them fairly often. They were close to our age and she had a daughter so they weren't into partying like most people our age. We had a lot of fun. And some craziness.

But that was 2006 and six years later I still miss the good old days. I messaged Jeremiah the other night, first on how to make the hot sauce and then to tell him that we missed him. He came to visit this past winter and we visited him last spring. Maybe we'll get to go up this summer, doubtful but I'm not giving up hope. :)

So today, I'm feeling a little sentimental and am very thankful Chance met him and the fun times we had together. Thankful for friends.

Thankful Day 14

I've talked a lot about my mom's family. That's mostly because I spent most of my time with them. My dad's mom lived in New Mexico until I was 9 or 10 and his siblings were all scattered too.

My dad's dad and my step-grandma were close and I have lots of memories in their cafe. Working there one summer was my very first job and it was actually really enjoyable. It felt good to do something productive and spend time with my family as well.

I also have lots of uncles on my dad's side as well. My dad's older brother has a son my age and so has always been pretty involved in my life. We went on our first real family vacation with them and I still laugh at the pictures.

Even though I spent a lot more time with my mom's family, I still love and appreciate my dad's family too. Today I'm thankful for them. Happy Birthday Uncle Rick!

Thankful Day 13

This is going to seem really silly, but today I'm thankful for Facebook. I warned you.

But all those cousins I talked about? Well only a few live nearby. The rest range from an hour away to 20 hours away, but I still am able to keep up with their lives, interact with them, and feel even a little bit of those old days because of Facebook. One cousin (who is like an uncle)'s ex wife is one of my biggest fans on facebook and I love her just as much now as I did as a child.

I also met this really awesome group of women when I was pregnant with Archer and I've been able to not only keep up with them, but develop a true friendship with so many of them. I don't question sharing my life with them because we have been friends for nearly 5 years now. I've met several and would love to meet all of them. I have constant companions, all I need is an internet connection.

So thanks Mark, for stealing the idea from those Winklevosses.

Thankful Day 12

As a result of all those aunts and uncles, I'm so very blessed with a huge extended family and lots of cousins.

I can remember having holidays at my Nanny and Poppy's house. There would be at least 25 people packed into this tiny house, but I never remember feeling like it was too small. It was home.

These cousins would pile in from all over the state and we would play for several days until everyone had to go to work. I will never forget Thanksgiving and Christmas with them.

So I'm thankful, not only for the memories but for the people and the love as well.

Thankful Day 11

Today I am thankful or the many aunts and uncles God has given me.

I grew up with amazing grandparents, but I also had their siblings as well. My Nanny had 4 brothers who were all like extra grandfathers and the two aunts I had were exactly the same. Recently the final of my Nanny's living sibling passed away and it was such bittersweet news. Sad because he was no longer here with us, but so glorious because he was reunited with his parents and siblings.

He was an amazing man, I've never met a single person who didn't love him deeply. He could always be counted on for an excellent story and a smile. And more than all of that, he married the sweetest woman a man could ask for. She cared for him to the very end, after 4 battles with cancer and I'm so blessed to have her in my life too.

These people set an amazing example for my mothers sisters. I grew up with two extra houses, I was always welcome, and accepted their invitations frequently. I even had my own key for years (until I lost it eek!).

So today, I'm so very thankful for my aunts and uncles.

Thankful Day 10

Today I'm thankful for my Nanny and Poppy. I grew up living a quarter mile from my grandparents and they have made a lasting impression on my life.

While my mom worked, I went to their house instead of day care. I was spoiled, taught manners and politeness, I learned how to read and write before school, l learned how to use a computer and I learned what unconditional love was.

I miss my Nanny so much. I'm sad that she can't be here to snuggle my babies, to listen to Archer's silly stories and just be a part of our lives. But I'm so grateful she taught me how to love and set the example for how I should treat my children. We sing her songs all the time and I know a part of her will always be with me.

Today is my Poppy's 73 birthday and I'm so grateful he's still with us. I'm grateful he's still healthy and able to spend his Sundays with us.

Thankful Day 9

Today,  as I help my husband prepare Thanksgiving dinner to share with his family I'm thankful for that which the pilgrims were thankful for, abundance. We don't have much right now, but we have so much more than many others and I wanted to take a moment to recognize that.

Archer tried to tell me the other day that he was just starving so I sat down with him and explained what starving really meant. I told him about little boys who go to bed with empty tummies because their mommy can't buy food for them and I think it nearly broke both of our hearts. I'm SO thankful that my boys have enough, more than enough, but enough. I cannot imagine sending them to bed hungry or seeing their hungry little faces all day.

Today I'm humbled at the thought and so thankful that my children are provided for and taken care of so that they don't have to know what it means to go without.

Give thanks, literally (Day 8)

I received an email from Shutterfly today asking me to promote their newest holiday card program and as soon as I saw what it was I didn't hesitate. This is an AMAZING idea and I urge everyone to participate!

What do you need to do? Follow this link to Shutterfly's facebook page and create a card saying THANKS to our troops.

Everyone has someone they know and care about in the military, but many in the military are away from their loved ones this holiday season. A great way to show your thanks and appreciation is to send them a card with kind words and a photo of your family.

I am so thankful for the freedoms in this great country and my thanks goes to the men and women serving it.

Thankful Day 7

Today I'm thankful for...

The hide button on facebook. Wow. People are just full of doom and gloom today. My mom and I thought it was a little funny that people were acting as though this was a scene from The Hunger Games.

There are some people who were truly saddened by President Obama's win, my friend the coal miner's wife, but for everyone else, it's going to be ok. It really isn't going to become a communist state. We'll survive.

Thankful Day 6

Today is election day! So many things to be thankful for, but today I'm thankful for the privilege of voting. In this country men and women are allowed to do something that so many world citizens are denied, choose those who lead us. We have the power to choose.

I'm thankful to all the women (and men) who risked their lives, families and reputations to get women the vote. I'm thankful for the minorities who fought to gain the right to vote and make this nation a better place to be.

I'm thankful that God chose America for me to live in, there's no place I'd rather be.

Thankful Day 5

Today I'm thankful for...SLEEP.  My goodness this baby of mine. He spoiled me in his first few weeks sleeping long periods of time at night but for the past two weeks he's been off and it's making mommy insane. And a little bit dumb. I don't do well on no sleep. :)

Today, when I was being a little grouchy, my husband sent me back to bed after taking the 4 year old to school. He let me sleep until I woke up on my own at 11:30. It was still only 8 hours of sleep, but it was amazing compared to the 4 I had been getting.

Thankful Day 4

Today, on my sister in law's 30th birthday (Happy Birthday!!) I'm thankful for having amazing in laws.

My husband and I have been married for 6.5 years and together for 11.5 total. We grew up together. His parents and siblings have never once treated me like anything other than family. I've never felt less than a daughter or sister when around them.

I hear others commenting about their terrible in laws but I can honestly say I have been blessed with a truly loving family and second set of parents. Thanks Iamses!

Thankful Day 3

I jokingly posted on facebook that nothing makes a woman want to kill her husband more than listening to him snore while she's up taking care of a baby. It's semi true. ;)

But in all honesty, today I'm so very thankful for my husband. He is my rock, my partner in life, love and parenting. We have been opposites from day one, but have grown to be each other's complement instead. He is my other half, my soulmate.

I'm thankful for what he does to provide for our family, both financially and emotionally. I'm thankful for the major sacrifices he makes to ensure we have what we need to survive. And I'm thankful for the little things he does every day to make sure I'm taken care of.

Thank you husband, in case you didn't realize it I appreciate you more than you know.

Our matching "soulmate" tattoo

Thankful Day 2

Today I am thankful for perspective. I've posted about my attitude and perspective more than once, hey this is MY blog after all. :) I consider myself and very open minded person. I roll with the punches and try to find the silver lining in everything. I try to find perspective in every situation.

It can be very difficult at times to see the silver lining or the lesson to be learned from a hard situation, but it's always there. I believe that God is teaching me something and I try to find out what that lesson might be. Even in the hardest of moments, I know that God won't put me through something I can't handle, it is HIS will and I just need to follow where he leads.

Thankful Day 1

I started out doing this on my Facebook page, but I think I'll move it to my blog instead. It allows me to elaborate a little more.

Today I'm thankful for waking up. It's so important to just be thankful for every day that we are given, the time we get with our families and the time they are given with us.

With the impending election coming up and all the bickering and bitterness between everyone, I would just like everyone to stop and be thankful for waking up today. You've been given one more day. It could be so much worse.

Two weeks out

Chance works two weeks at a time away, something I've avoided posting directly here, just because, but it's relevant to this post, so I needed to say it.

He just left for two weeks, and my due date is 13 days away (September 10). He will be home the night before, but we're hoping he makes it and I don't go into labor on my own. I'm not looking forward to being induced (for atypical reasons) but his time at home will be limited otherwise, so I'm going to if necessary.

But the two weeks I want to talk about right now are the ones that just passed. He came home for his days off two weeks ago, and it occurred to me that we had two weeks left in our current way of life. We had two weeks left as parents of one. It's strange to put such quantitative measures on life, but we knew once he went back to work, it would be different the next time he came back.

Life is so strange when lived in two week increments. You spend a few days getting reaquainted with each others bad habits, you spend a few days resting, and then you cram 30 days worth of dr appointments, errands, dinners with friends, birthdays, holidays, etc into 12 if you're lucky.

Then when he goes back to work, I spend at least a day recouperating. Just sitting immobile on the couch watching tv and tanking up on water like a camel. (haha)

So now, in no more than two weeks we will be parents of two. We will have a newborn. I think it's safe to say I'm getting anxious.

The Hunger Games: A film review

It's 2:30 in the morning, and I'm blogging. Why you ask? Shouldn't a pregnant mother of a vivacious toddler be asleep by this ungodly hour? Yeah, I should. But, if you know me, you can imagine what I might have been doing that would keep me up this late. If you guessed The Hunger Games midnight show, you are correct. If you're my mother, who went with me, your guess doesn't count. :)

Now, on to my thoughts before I lose all coherent ability to think.

The movie was excellent. The story was on track with the books, the dialog was similar, and the things that were left out were done so appropriately. The things that were changed were done well and I didn't leave thinking, "I read that book?" (ahem, Twilight and Percy Jackson)

There's just something really good about watching a favorite story come to life on screen-well, not just done, but done well.

What did I love? I loved Woody Harrelson, much to my own surprise. I didn't think he fit, but he managed to fit the part of Haymitch and be a good actor while doing it. I loved Josh Hutcherson, he is a great Peeta and I believed him. Jennifer Lawrence was great, as expected. The gore was toned down, which I'm fine with. The capitol is spot on, costumes, make-up, garishness-all true to text. 

Here's a part from the movie that I loved, that I apparently didn't consider while reading. District 11 (Rue and Thrush's district) was primarily African American, which makes sense considering it cuts a large swath through states that currently have a higher African American population. Suzanne Collins stated when the characters for Rue and Thresh were chosen that she described them as African American, and apparently I missed that description. There was lots of diversity in other characters as well, but District 11 is highlighted, and the citizens of the district are shown as African American and I thought that was a really important aspect of the film. It's not often that I enjoy something from the film more than the book, but this pleasantly surprised me.

There were a few things I didn't love. I have to agree with a few early reviews that stated they played up the love triangle. There were a few shots of Gale looking a little disturbed at the closeness between Katniss and Peeta. While I'm sure he did feel that way, we didn't know that in book 1. I also went with two people who hadn't read the book (shame on them, right?) and they were a bit lost. They weren't sure if it was current/past/present time. They didn't understand why some districts had more than others, and why District 12 had electricity sometimes, but not always. I don't really think this was obvious without knowing the back story. It gave a quick run down at the beginning, but it was quick. My mom's bff went with us and she didn't realize it was telling a story, and by the time she did we'd already missed 2 screens of text. I explained to her as best I could, but I thought that was a missed opportunity. I also thought that we didn't really get enough of life in District 12. We see that it's dark and dingy, that life generally sucks; but we didn't see any story that really developed the characters enough. I know they crammed as much in as they could, it was a long movie (which I love anyway) but I just wanted, for the sake of non-readers, the chance to know what's happening without guessing all through the movie and then asking later. 

I also didn't like that the movie didn't quite include enough of the negative feedback or social ramifications of what the Capitol was doing. It didn't make you feel guilty for watching, in fact, it almost made me want to see what it was like from a district viewer-which makes me want to throw up. I want to feel sick and guilty because people in real life want to see other people hurting, because humans enjoying watching blood sports (we have for over a thousand years and counting) but they just didn't convey how wrong it was. Or, not enough for me anyway. 

Then, there was one thing I hated. Hated. Loathed. Many of the action scenes were filled with this jerky, nearly home camera style filming that was next to impossible to follow, and made me want to close my eyes to avoid being sick. It moved to quickly, panned to fast, bobbed all over, and didn't give you clear image of what was happening. It gave you a clear image of panic and hurry, which I understand the need for; but it was just too much for me. 

Overall, I was impressed. It was true to the original story in the most important ways. It improved on a few ways that I felt the book didn't really just come out and say (and lets face it, I'm pretty concrete; I need things spelled out sometimes), and it didn't really disappoint in any major ways. I paid $11 total (to get in and snacks) and I will most likely go again before the run is over. 

So, my recommendation is for you to go watch it. Enjoy. 

And may the odds be ever in your favor. :)