Finally

After many years of nights away from home, homework filled weekends, constant stress, I am finished with my Master's Degree. 

I turned in my final assignment, practicum hours, and portfolio for graduation last week. I have no upcoming exams, I've already taken my graduate exam. I am finished.

Now I can spend my evenings browsing on Facebook, blogging, snuggling with my guys, and early bedtimes if I want. 

This isn't the end of my educational career, there are a few upcoming possibilities I'm holding out for in the future, but this is definitely a good pausing point. :) 

Decision Time

I made a decision today after much internal debate. 

I just couldn't juggle everything. My mom offered to babysit Archer so I could do homework, but I can't rely on her so much. That makes me feel guilty on top of everything else. I know she (probably) doesn't mind, but I don't want to burden her with that.

I've decided to drop my elective class in school. This still keeps me on target to graduate in December. It's not a big deal other than I won't be getting as much of a raise in January. 

This allows me to focus on my practicum class, which is more important and necessary for graduation without feeling like I'm drowning. It also allows me to do fun things on the weekends or enjoy down time with my family without feeling like I should be doing homework because I'm behind. 

A weight has been lifted.

Summer Blah

Whew. You would expect that summer school would be a little less intense than the other semesters, no? This summer is killing me. I have to drive to class about 45 minutes once a week, instead of doing tele-classes at a satellite site at USAO. I go two days in a row for five hours each day. That's really not the worst part, it's just not as easy to take as my normal 20 minute drive with 3 hours of class time.

One of my classes is really overwhelming, as it feels a little like the teacher is unaware of exactly what is to be expected of her. Some of the things she is asking are things no other teacher has asked. Again, not the worst part, just new and uncomfortable; you know, like a new pair of shoes that take forever to break in. Except, with this experience, I don't get new shoes, so not nearly as much fun.

Really, the worst part is not getting to fully enjoy my summer break without missing time away from my family. Without having to constantly turn down plans or miss out on things because I'm in class for 5 hours at odd times. The worst part is being in class all summer long when I would much rather be swimming in the pool with my little fish.

BUT, I will not lose faith. I am almost done, so close, too close to give up. School is really not that bad, and if you are considering going back to school, I say DO IT! So many more doors will open, and you can achieve your dreams. It's NEVER too late.

Now to dream of fonder things, family reunions, grilled burgers with fresh veggies, and all the awesome fresh things that come along with spring. Those are the things I want to go to bed thinking of, not school. ;)

My Fish!

One more time

I'm feeling sorry for myself one more time. I promise.

Because I have been in a weekend class (Friday-Sunday) twice this summer, my nine hours of coursework will consist of two classes. Because Summer session is only 8 weeks, classes count as double. But really, I go five hours Wednesday and Thursday. It doesn't sound that bad.

Except, I get to my class tonight only to find out that for absolutely no reason at all whatsoever may I miss a class period. Not such a major deal, but you just never know what may come up. Second, there are several hefty assignments, plus readings, and just basically being knowledgeable about all course materials at any given time. My teacher is teaching adjunct for the first time ever, and I personally think her expectations are a bit high. But here's the kicker. We have to go to a conference, required. Or do an alternate assignment. I look up the conference. It's $30 for students. Not a major deal. Except you have to pay $40 to buy a student membership before you can attend. And the conference is in two weeks. While $70 isn't a ton of money, it's a bit more than I have budgeted extra. And I'd have to have a babysitter. Oh, and the alternate assignment, it's no big deal, just a 20 page paper. :\

She told us she expects us to spend ten-fifteen hours outside of class on our assignments. Based on that, I would be in class or working on classwork more than I work, if I did the same for both classes. I'm just really overwhelmed by this class and all that's required. And if that weren't enough, there are some major occupational changes on the horizon with the husband, so I'm in a state of limbo that's just about to push me over the edge.

What is counseling?

Ever wondered what counseling was, from a counselors perspective? Well I recently had to write a journal about an experience in a class, and thought I would share.

How do you define counseling? Before taking any counseling classes, it was just talking. Helping people solve their problems. Giving advice. Now that I’m (thankfully) almost finished with my master’s degree, I now know that counseling is something much more complex than I ever imagined. Now I know that it’s theory and training. A process for the client that the counselor walks them through, training them to find their own way, not necessarily walking with them and “helping.”

Counseling is knowing what theory drives you, and not just mixing what sounds good, finding something that is proven to work and following the lead of pioneers, not reinventing the wheel. Counseling is using that theory to observe and learn about a client, and then use that knowledge to create goals and plans, and follow them through. Counseling is not always successful, and success is not doing it “right.” Which honestly, right was never a concern for me. I was more worried about wrong, damaging, or harming. Those things seem more daunting to me.

Counseling is about helping people, but not getting so involved in their problems that you aren’t doing your job or are damaging yourself in the process. Counseling is continuing your education and being a part of your field and knowing what’s new, next and cutting edge; and also knowing what’s no longer appropriate.
Counseling is knowing that not everyone thinks like you or learns like you, and most importantly that no one has been through the same life experiences as you. Those things shape how other people think, learn, and live. Culture, gender, socioeconomic status, race-and it’s implications-all create this environment we as counselors must learn to balance in our daily work, but really, all we have to be is empathetic and know that it doesn’t matter what we think, know, have learned or experienced. It’s about the client and what they have been through. We should know our own biases, how to put them in their place (not letting them interfere with our work), and when to let a client go if this is something we can’t do.

Not having a psychology degree, I sometimes get bogged down in the details and the process. I forget to think like a counselor, it isn’t instinct; I have to work at it. When I think of counseling in this way, it reminds me of Mark Twain’s “Two Ways of Seeing a River.” When you think of this career, it’s this awesome and humble career of helping people. You spend your day making the lives of others so much better. And then when you learn what it actually involves, how much work and training, and for me, this entire perspective shift, it really changes the way you see it. It’s no longer awesome and humble, but just a career. A job that pays the bills, that I plan to enjoy, but none the less, the magic is gone. I now know how it works, the mystery is gone. I’m sure there are still plenty of mysteries left in the counseling field, but overall, big picture, I know the basic procedure.

For me, counseling is this in progress thing that I wonder if I'll ever really understand. I think, at this point, I could have a PhD and still not know enough. I'm hoping that my internship in the fall will help with that.

So, as my professor would say, What's your take on counseling?

Busy Day Today!

I had class today, yuck for Saturday classes.

Then this evening we went to the carnival, or carnibal as Archer says. He had so much fun. I love seeing his happy smiley face!!

Busy, busy

Talk about feeling overwhelmed...My friend asked me what weekend would work to do a clothing party from next weekend until May. After checking my calendar, I realized I have one open Saturday from now until May 21. These Saturday classes are just killing me. On top of the classes my fifth wedding anniversary is coming up, and I have baby showers out the wazoo! Eek.

Archer was bugging me earlier so I told him to leave me alone for a second because I was busy. His response, I'm busy too, Mama. Grr. Yeah right kid. Woe for the days when my biggest worry was chocolate milk versus white...

spring sadness

Every few months, I reach this point of...I'm not sure...that really just drags me into a funk. I'm not sure what causes it, but I sure wish I could pinpoint it. It's not the weather, because the sun has been out in full force and I even got a slight pink yesterday while taking pictures. It's not work, I don't think, as my work life isn't too stressful. I'm still making less money than I was two months ago, but I'm not overly stressed about that. It's most definitely not my marriage, as it's as rock solid as ever. I'm a little sad that my husband is working nights for a few weeks, but nothing I can't handle. School is a little...overwhelming, so maybe that's it?I haven't seen my BFF in almost two months, so that saddens me a lot.

My whole life is contributing to little bits of chaos that seem to be making bigger and bigger piles. I just need a break, but there isn't one in sight. I have an even fuller load of school this summer and fall than I do now. :\

For now, I'm celebrating small victories. I'm going to the lake to see my BFF this weekend, and her dad who was my second dad growing up. I have only seen him 1 time in 5 years. Maybe I'll even have a drink or two! : ) And even though I'll have school all summer, at least I won't have work. One more thing to celebrate. Even though Chance is working nights, at least he is working. We could use some extra cash.

if it's not one thing...

Isn't it always another?

I'm mostly just wiped out from our trip. During spring break, I had two midterms to work on that I of course put off until the last possible moment. I crammed as much into my lunch break and after school on Monday that I could, and scrambled to finish the rest of Monday's that day. And then scrambled to start the second one that night too. Luckily, I had finished a few questions of Tuesdays, so I turned it in at 4 (due at 5).

Since then I've still not had much of a break, and it's nearly impossible to roll of out of bed each morning. And it's not just me. Archer has been a major grouch, who cries every time I leave him at daycare.

Today I am going home after work, taking a short nap, going to my mom's to pick Archer up, and snap a few photos of him in the sunshine. I'm pleased that the daylight lasts longer and that the weather is warmer.

The cool weather in NY really made me grateful of the sunshine and the warmth.

Busy Life

My life has been fairly busy lately. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. It either creates more chaos in life, or shows that my life is full.

I spent the first part of the week working on a several page essay/case study take home test. It was a killer. Wednesday, I also had class and forgot my computer so I had to actually take notes. *gasp*

Thursday, we made plans with one of my best friends who has a little girl close to Archer's age to go to the zoo. Then, we found out the zoo closed early. So we made plans to go to a pumpkin patch. But I couldn't get off work soon enough. So, then we decided to go see Santa who was visiting a shopping center. BUT, as all things crazy go, we missed him too. Either way, we had a great time just eating out for dinner and letting the kids play. They actually played and got along really well. And they LOVE to kiss.

Saturday was trick or treat day locally, so we went with family around my home town. Lots of fun. I wish we had that super small town feel here, but we don't. I'm still hoping someday we find that town that has feeling, but also has the amenities of a bigger town. Someday...

Anyway. That's my crazy busy week. Hopefully I'll be back to my regular bloggy self this week.

It's Tuesday...

so maybe you're wondering whether or not my appeal was granted for school. Well, I bet you would like to know, wouldn't you. But you don't get to, because I won't know until FOUR.

Don't they know this is torture for me? They hold my future in their hands, yet they just won't tell me what I need to know! : (

It's Been a While...

But here I am!!

I am off work until August. : )

I have a new computer to blog on! Which is fantastic because now I don't have to use my phone, or the on screen keyboard to return with.

I have been busy for the past two weeks, just non-stop something. Which I hate because I want to enjoy my summer break.

The first week of grad school this semester involved six discussions and a paper. Who requires a paper the first week? Eh, it wasn't really that bad, but still.

I have been thinking about this same subject for weeks now, and plan to blog about it later this evening. When there is possibly quiet in my home...But for now, I have to go chow on the Hobo dinners my wonderful husband created on the grill!!

PS, he was also laid off from his job, which is the reason he is cooking dinner and not me. As I'm getting paid for my summer vaca, he is not. Which puts him a rung under me on the family dynamic totem pole! :)

What is it?

What is it about writing a 10 page paper that is just so hard for me? Geez. I wrote extra on my high school term paper because I was a geek who enjoyed writing.

I actually know what it is, I'm just not sure how it happened. How did I go from this brainy kid who cried over B's to this content adult who has the attention span of a fly? (Do flies have short attention spans? Hmm, let's use the theory proposed in the last post, and pretend like they do. It's not just short, it's actually on 4 seconds, which is exactly where I am. How'd you like that?)

Or, tell me, why is it that I can write millions of blogs and stay on task with them for hours, but I can't finish these last four pages?! It's not that hard, no citations. It's not even not that hard, it's totally not hard at all. Standard English. No APA. I JUST can't do it.

I'm really glad none of my blog friends have posted anything today because then I would be in massive trouble, because I also have no issue reading blogs or books or anything for hours, I just can't write this freaking paper.

It could be my desk and chair being morbidly uncomfortable. I was thinking yesterday that I wanted an exercise ball for a desk chair, because that would make me sit up more, but today...Today I realize that I wouldn't be able to put my feet on my desk like the boys who work around me if I were sitting on an exercise ball. (Of course, I only do it when they aren't in here, I am a lady afterall.)

Or, it really and truly could be the blind on the window behind me that is banging with the breeze that's blowing in the closed window. Yeah, it's blowing that hard outside. Eh, that's the plains for ya.

Maybe, it's my lack of commitment. Since my graduation date was shoved back a whole year, it most definitely could be that. Did I tell ya'll about that? I can't remember, short attention span remember.

It could also be the janitor who keeps coming in on his cell phone yacking to his daughter about bringing her a soda. Really, really? A soda. Is that a necessary conversation to have while in my office.

I mean, I'm the only one left on the premises I'm sure. Go talk to your daughter in someone else's office. Better yet, just stay out of mine because you like to talk waay to much, and I have a paper to write.

Back to reality!

Tomorrow I go back to work, and Archer goes back to daycare. My classes start back Thursday night. This is going to be a busy spring!!

I must say, I'm ready to get him back on a steady schedule. We have been running like mad this entire break, we were home for maybe 3 whole days in 2 full weeks. We had Christmases and parties, shopping and movies and visitors. I need a few days with him in daycare to recoup.

And did I mention the laundry? : ) Let's just say, it's all washed, and our closets are empty!

I had a great week break though. I got to see my best friend and her little brother! He's the closest thing I've ever had to a brother, even though he had a monster crush on me for years. Her boyfriend came with her, and now we've planned a double date in 2 weeks!

Sometimes something intervenes?

Whether you believe in God, fate, or whatever, you have to admit that coincidinces sometimes just seem to good to be true.

As you know, I have been studying my butt off because of my extreme procratinator tendencies. Well, earlier today, one of the Hb momma's had an application post something into the news feed. It was called God Wants you to Know Today (or something similar). The post said, God wants you to know that your stress and worries are best turned over to him. Give over your anxieties of the future and rest well tonight. The post almost got a little horoscope-ish, or even fortune cookie-ish, but it was what I needed to hear.

While I'm still studying, and reading my book, I'm not going to be anxious about it. If I fail this class, then I'll take it again next semester. As sucky as that is, it's life I guess.

And while my mind is not as stressed, I wish it would send a message to my rock hard, aching shoulders to release a little of the hold they have on me.

School Stress

So, I'm on the verge of freaking out.

I still have 12 quizzes left to do BY MONDAY for one of my stinking online classes, and the site is down.

I can read and study, whatever, but the quizzes have to be finished before I can take the exam.

I hate that I am such an awful procrastinator. It is my fault for sure, but this class is a little different. I didn't get the $150 book for a long time because my scholarship foundation took forever to pay me; and even though I started work in September, I didn't get paid until November.

Ugh, I need a massage to release some of the massive tension.

I am so completely overwhelmed...

I am kicking myself in the behind for not staying on top of my homework all through the year on these dang online classes!

I have two tests to take, 12 quizzes, and several discussions/observations to turn in. I can take an incomplete in only one class to continue recieving funding. I asked the teacher for my psych class if he would let me take an incomplete through break, I pray that he does.

Otherwise, this is going to be the strictest most hard core weekend ever.

Got some great news today!

After basically deciding that after this spring I was going to stop going to school for a while, I learned today that I only have spring, summer, and then my practicum this fall. While a year really and truly is a long time, when you break it down like that, it doesn't seem that long. Of course, all the papers and tests, and driving will suck, but at least I will get more and a better job out of it in the long run! : )

After I talked to my advisor, I talked to one of the counselors at my school who said he would be happy to help me! I even talked to my supervisor about staying at this school and not having to change in the fall so that I can do my practicum there, and she said that was doable!

I'm really excited. I would be even more excited if not for the fact that tomorrow consists of homework ALL DAY!

Do they make medication for procrastinators?

It's an awful disease, it really is. I have a paper due in 4 hours that I haven't started!! : ( I just can't make myself do the work.

Other than school, I procrastinate everything. Work, school, chores, everything. If I can put off getting gas until the next day, I will. Even if that means I'm running desperately on fumes.

While I do tend to work better under pressure, I typically generate a pressure cooker that's either going to explode or put out phenomenal results.

Sleep

Guess what time I woke up today? Noon, that's what time.

Now that might seem like I'm asking my son to keep me up late at night by sleeping that late. However, considering that he did not go to sleep until 1 am, and then woke up at 430 am for an hour just kills me.

You would think that all that catch up sleep would be good for me, and sleep-wise I am better. However, we had a frozen pizza last night, I had heartburn when I woke up and it has not gone away.

On a brighter note, I found one of my books on ebrary last night for one of my classes. That really brightened my day! To buy it would have been over $100.

Now I have done two assignments and feel like I'm really not going to be a procrastinator this time around!!