Saturday, March 27, 2010

Growing away

Archer has decided he no longer wants to sleep with me. Every night this week he has spent almost the whole night in his bed.

He's such a restless sleeper I think he has finally realized he sleeps better in his own space.

I'm so proud and so sad at the same time. And when I say sleep with me, I don't meant chance isn't in bed with us, because he is. But Arch usually snuggles up to me and throws his arm around my neck or rests his head on my chest.

I know this means he is ready to be in that big boy bed in his room all alone, but I'm not sure I'M ready for that.

Especially since a blog reader told me a horrific story about a little girl who believed a bad man that he was a fireman when he tapped on her window. Bad thing ensued.

Chance suggested we just tell him, once he's able to open his own window not to believe anyone, but I don't want him not actually going with a fireman if there is an actual fire.

Ugh, life would be so much easier if he would sleep with me until he's 18.

Friday, March 26, 2010


I have been nauseous and sick for 3 days. I'm so over it.

No, it's not morning sickness. Don't even suggest that. ;)

It wasn't so bad today until my nonfat white mocha with peppermint bottomed out in my stomach. Now I'm desperately wishing for some crackers or something.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Post baby irregularity?

Seriously, I have had less than 10 periods since arch was born. Like 1 every 3 months or so.

Anyone else?

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Monday, March 22, 2010

What is it?

What is it about writing a 10 page paper that is just so hard for me? Geez. I wrote extra on my high school term paper because I was a geek who enjoyed writing.

I actually know what it is, I'm just not sure how it happened. How did I go from this brainy kid who cried over B's to this content adult who has the attention span of a fly? (Do flies have short attention spans? Hmm, let's use the theory proposed in the last post, and pretend like they do. It's not just short, it's actually on 4 seconds, which is exactly where I am. How'd you like that?)

Or, tell me, why is it that I can write millions of blogs and stay on task with them for hours, but I can't finish these last four pages?! It's not that hard, no citations. It's not even not that hard, it's totally not hard at all. Standard English. No APA. I JUST can't do it.

I'm really glad none of my blog friends have posted anything today because then I would be in massive trouble, because I also have no issue reading blogs or books or anything for hours, I just can't write this freaking paper.

It could be my desk and chair being morbidly uncomfortable. I was thinking yesterday that I wanted an exercise ball for a desk chair, because that would make me sit up more, but today...Today I realize that I wouldn't be able to put my feet on my desk like the boys who work around me if I were sitting on an exercise ball. (Of course, I only do it when they aren't in here, I am a lady afterall.)

Or, it really and truly could be the blind on the window behind me that is banging with the breeze that's blowing in the closed window. Yeah, it's blowing that hard outside. Eh, that's the plains for ya.

Maybe, it's my lack of commitment. Since my graduation date was shoved back a whole year, it most definitely could be that. Did I tell ya'll about that? I can't remember, short attention span remember.

It could also be the janitor who keeps coming in on his cell phone yacking to his daughter about bringing her a soda. Really, really? A soda. Is that a necessary conversation to have while in my office.

I mean, I'm the only one left on the premises I'm sure. Go talk to your daughter in someone else's office. Better yet, just stay out of mine because you like to talk waay to much, and I have a paper to write.

About lying...

Had a thought, figured I should share.

I'm not going to say I'm a good liar, because when it comes down to it, I'm probably really not. I just can't keep from grinning like an idiot. Some times, even when I'm not lying I end up grinning like an idiot.

So I guess I should have said, about bluffing, because that I can do. Wanna know how? You just pretend like you know what you are talking about, and you do it with so much confidence, that most people will be too timid to argue. I'm serious. It works.

Maybe it works for me because I'm a little pushy and overbearing. (Or a lot.) But still, it works. For example, I used to work for this awesome retail company, and while you never lie to a customer about something, you are selling products and you talk them up. How many customers are going to say, "Does this lotion really have that much aloe?" Not that many, well you might now that you have read this, but before would you have?

Same goes in school. As long as you can prove your point, in any way, most teachers will go with it. (In a liberal arts college anyway.)

And job interviews, let me tell you. It's key. You are selling yourself. Talk it up, embellish a little. Use big words, but have some idea what they mean in case some one else does. I'm not saying go in and start talking about extemporaneous business cases or anything.

So basically, what I'm saying is. Lying is a necessary skill. Not lying, bluffing. But really it is. So is confidence. Even if you don't believe, it bluff like you are oh so confident in whatever it is you want people to think you are confident about it. It works, I SWEAR.

Hmm, let's try politics today?

Yesterday was a landmark day in history. Possibly more historically important than electing a minority president. Last night, the United States government passed a bill to create a "free" healthcare system for all.

I wasn't 100% sure about the ups and downs of this issue (I know, my civic duty, right.) but living in a red state, I haven't heard a single good thing about it.

My biggest possible issue with this bill is that the federal government has NO way to pay for it, and has left many parts of it unfunded then just handed it off to the states to come up with a way to pay for their mess. Here in Oklahoma, we are already having massive budget shortfalls as a backlash from the near depression we were in last year. My school district alone must cut millions of dollars by the end of the year.

That translates to not hiring teachers when others retire and/or get laid off. That hasn't happened here yet, thankfully, but there have been many retire or quit; and they weren't replaced. When asked why this was, the answer was simple. It's cheaper to overfill a classroom and pay a small fine to the department of ed than pay a teacher salary. As an employment of the school system that frightens me. They are blatantly breaking rules because they CAN'T afford to hire someone new. As a parent that ENRAGES me. The federal government, and the state government, have quality markers in place to ensure that our children, the future of our nation receive the best possible education they can. And they aren't. Obviously.

We are slipping yearly in our nation's education ranking. That's ridiculous. We have so much over abundance of money that we can spend an entire legislative session fighting over public healthcare that, upon last checking my news stations website, 88% of people polled were against. Let's funnel some of that money into our schools. Let's, instead of spending BILLIONS and TRILLIONS of dollars of tax money on public "free" healthcare, spend money on educating and training our future. Please. Let's even funnel a little money into our teacher prep programs so that we are learning how to teach effectively. I'm ok with that. I'm even OK with teachers whose students aren't improving having to go back at their own expense and learning some new things, so that in 50 years, maybe my son won't be living in a poor nation because it's leaders are undereducated.

Back to healthcare. A friend from Canada said that their public, free healthcare system costs them 44% of their income. That's not free folks. That's not even close. And really, I love everyone out there in blog world, but not enough to pay that much of my taxes in for free healthcare.

I don't think that people who are uninsured are lazy, are spending their money on the wrong thing, or are mismanaging their money. I think it's expensive, and the answer is not to force us to submit to their plans. We elect them, they make the rules, we get no say? Really, this is still America right?

My husband makes $19 an hour (it's rude to talk about money, I know, but let's just get it over with). He drives a 10 year old vehicle that will be paid off in 5 months on a 12 month note. We have no mortgage. We have nice cell phones with internet and not just cable, but satellite TV. But, those are things we enjoy, and yet, he doesn't have health insurance? Why, because he rarely gets sick. He refuses to pay a ton of money in, never go to the doctor, and never see a return.

I have an insurance option at work that I don't take. Why? Because. No really, because I have tribal healthcare and I get paid back for not opting in on my work insurance. The tribal care is no cost (for now), but it's a pain to get treated. Each time I go, I wait at least 2 hours. My dad went last week for an ear infection. He arrived at nine in the morning and was sent away during their lunch hour, and was seen after it. It's federally ran.

Archer is also covered on this type of health care. I looked into private health insurance for him, but didn't care to pay $180 and a $5k deductable. For my private insurance, FYI the co-pay just went up to $50. My doctor charges $65. I just can't see not getting that $200 back a month to only pay $15 to see our PCP.

If an emergency comes up, that would really suck, and I'm thinking about looking into accident protection for Chance. But honestly, like I said, I would basically have to do it behind his back because he HATES insurance.

This new bill mandates everyone must have a healthcare plan. Again I say, isn't this America? Since when do our elected representatives get to TELL us what we must do. I'm down with things that are our social responsibilities, I'm ok with them telling me things I shouldn't and can't do, but I'm just not so down with being told I must pay a larger tax percentage every year, plus pay for insurance, PLUS not get the money back I'm getting right now. It's nuts.

I do realize that there are some goods to this. There are people who need healthcare coverage, but that's not my problem. Is that horribly selfish of me? I hope not, because socially, it's not my responsibility to pay more taxes to cover some one else's insurance cost. It's just not. And not just that, but this will lower quality across the board. This bill will affect everyone.

If I'm wrong please tell me. Like I said, I'm not as informed as I should be, for that I am responsible.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Parenting is just hard.

I've been looking at my parenting skills recently, and honestly, I'm a little worried.

I'm sure this sounds awful, but archer is starting to tell me when he needs to poop or instantly after he brings me a diaper; and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I thought we would be dealing with potty training next summer, I'm scared to death he's gonna want to do it this summer.

We have a tendency to make parental decisions based on what is easy, as well as good. Does that make sense?

For example, he still sleeps with us. And I'm actually ok with that. We don't drink when he's home, I don't drink hardly ever. But, I'm not worried about that danger. I just know he's not going to be a baby forever, and I really enjoy that time to snuggle and love on him. He usually starts out in his bed, and either wakes up after a few hours, or I get him after mommy/daddy time.

I know that's kind of the easy way out because he should learn how to sleep on his own in his own bed, but honestly, I don't care.

I thought maybe I could buy him a fun big boy bed and we would both be ok with it, but really neither of us wants him an entire room away.

I have these awful moments where I wake up and smell something I'll think is smoke and have a mini panic attack until I stop and breathe fresh air for several minutes. BUT what if there was a fire and he was a room away? Would we be able to get to him?? And what if he was in his bed and some one stole him. There are 4 windows in his room. We have no fence in the back, so he is just so exposed.

There are so many scary things that could happen to him when he's alone in his own room. I know many of my fears are irrational, and probably coping mechs for me wanting him to sleep with us forever. Our bed is big enough for a 19 year old, right??

He also wants milk before bed. He hasn't had a bottle since he was 10.5 months because he was sick and refused it. But he cries for milk before bed, and sometimes at night too.

How do I break that habit? (And still get any amount of sleep?)

Why did he come with a personalized manual, something to yell me what he likes and needs? I would have read it the first day!

I think my biggest issue, is that I'm so much more relaxed than I used to be. If I would have gotten pregnant 5 years ago, I would have felt the need to follow every book and every rule.

I had a control compulsion. Now, I'm so laid back you would think he was my third child and not my first. I don't mean he gets whatever he wants whenever, but I know he's going to fall and get hurt; and get sick and cry.

I know kool-aid isn't the best drink, but if he wants it over water, then I'm gonna cave. If he wants to color on paper, and it gets on the floor, or table, or couch, I'll make him stop but I'll move on.

If he wants to drag every shoe I own out of my closet and it makes him happy, who cares? People say he needs to learn self control, but seriously, it's shoes, and it's fun. So why spend an hour putting them away when he's gonna do it again?

I don't let him do a lot of dangerous things, but I will let him fall off the couch if he's being to silly. Hopefully he will remember not to to it again. If not, then eventually he will.

We don't shy away from other peoples pets, if I know they are safe because I don't want him to think he should be afraid of my bff's German sheperd.

He's a dare devil, and I probably could prevent some bumps and bruises, but I don't because that's life.

Does that make me an awful parent? I really hope not, because I don't know how to be otherwise.

Now, before I go, please let me say: I don't advocate him being mean or hitting. He does go to time out, and if he's doing something really bad or really dangerous, I'm not against swatting him. (I know, I know) If he hits, or swings at someone else, he is instantly moved away and told that's not nice.

So, please don't judge me. I laid it all out there, and it was actually a little therapuetic.


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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

What are your thoughts?

A friend mentioned the other day that cheating wasn't a marriage ended for her. She simply said she told her husband if he felt it necessary, he should expect her to reciprocate.

I'm not sure that's the healthiest view, but I guess when entering a marriage with vows, you do promise for better or worse.

I'm just not sure how I feel, or could deal with cheating.

I have only ever been intimate with my husband. And I think we are matched body and soul. I don't think I would want to be with anyone else just because he cheated first.

I also don't know that I could ever get past that kind of indiscretion.

And I mean, either type of cheating: an emotional relationship like Brad and Angelina supposedly developed, or a physical one. I'm not sure which I feel is worse.

What do you think? Have you ever dealt with this? How?

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Familial society?

How does your familial society work? Mine is most definitely matriarchal.

This is the reason I side with most women in any fight. It's the reason I side with Kate over Jon.

My mom "wears the pants". My sister does, my grandma did. I do. For the most part.

It's interesting to me how some families depend only on the fathers decisions.

I recently read a blog the other day about how we, as women are destined to be the helper spouse. We are to help and support the visions of our husbands.

This makes me worry, is my lifestyle sinful? Is the fact that my husband follows my lead, helps and supports my vision bad in God's eyes?

As a stay at home mom, I had no issue keeping our home, greeting my husband at the door with love, cooking and cleaning for him. Raising our son.

But working, those things are not my only priority. We make equal money, and I'm home less than him. Why should those things be my responsibility?

A professor told me last week that she and her sister were expected to work in the fields with their little brother, then come home and cook lunch while the men napped and rested. They were also responsible for refilling their grandpa tea glass if it got empty. He let them know it was empty by clinking the ice.

With my upbringing, that's absurd.

How was yours?

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Fun, fun

Here's the missing post!!

I had a conference in OKC this weekend, so some friends and I went up and stayed in Bricktown.

If you've never been or heard of Bricktown, it's close to downtown where all the old warehouses have been rennovated into clubs and restaurants. They have also installed a water canal and a water taxi system. It's wonderful night life. Everything is in walking distance. So you can stay in a hotel, party a little and walk back without driving. It's so much safer.

Anyway, we went to couple bars. My favorite was a dueling piano bar. It was just a fun atmosphere, and the best part of it was NO smoking!!

The next day, on 2 hours sleep, we dragged ourselves into the conferece. It was ok, but wasn't exactly what I expected.

After that, I headed to my best friend's, who lives 30 mins away and that night we headed out to a Japanese restaurant. The food was great, but my other friend made us eat sushi, which I'm not a fan of.

Saturday archer and I went to old navy and I got his Easter/two wedding outfit for this summer. He loved it, he knew he was styling!

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Rant, don't say I didn't warn you.

Do you ever have those days where your spouse just does things to piss you off?? Well, mine and I have been alternating these days for about a week.

I posted this crazy long message about my super fun weekend in Bricktown.

I went out with some girls from work.

And we had a blast. We had a few drinks, I did not get drunk. (it's just not me) We went to a couple of bars and stayed up a little too late for the conference we had the next day.

Archer was at my cousins because the plan was to go to another friend's on Saturday who has a baby close to his age. We ended up not going, but I'll elaborate later.

The next night I had plans with my bff (and I'm not trying to be cliche, it's just easier to type that than my best friend of 20 years) and another good friend to go out for dinner. They wanted to go back to Bricktown, but I needed to see my baby.

My husband tried to call on our way home from dinner. I didn't hear him because we were driving and talking. After that, he wouldn't answer. He wouldn't talk to me because I didn't answer. Apparently that's what I always do when I'm with them.

Let me say, I am a call screener, but at this point haven't seen my husband in a few days and want to hear his voice. But of course I did it on purpose. (Even though I called back in 3 minutes)

Later that night when I got arch home (to my bff's) and in bed, he wake up crying from gas pains. He does this for 2 hours since the medicine wasn't working.

I decided to cancel the plans with my other friend and her baby because he was feeling a little feverish and just wasn't himself.

We get home-home about 130-2 and the husband seems to be over his shitty attitude. As soon as I start to drift into a daze (one because I'm tired as hell, and two because of the crap he's watching) he's pissed all over again. He's saying, I told you not to come home tired. Well hell, would you rather me stayed gone an extra day?

We bickered for a better part of the day.

Today: Arch is staying at my ms for the 3rd time ever. We talked about going to see shutter island tomorrow, but since my mom asked if he could stay we decided last night today would be perfect.

He's in a crap mood again because he gained weight after overeating last night. Then he's just running his mouth about me making pork roast tomorrow.

Ok, that doesn't go well for me. If I'm cooking your damn food, eat it or cook your own.

When I walk away instead of responding to his joke, I'm pmsing. That's why we've been arguing all weekend, because I'm pmsing. I think freaking not.

He's was asking me all day yesterday what's wrong with me when I just space out. Well yesterday, first day of spring break, I ran errands all day. I just want to relax.

And of course, he forgot the movie.

And, he asked me just now what my problem is. Really it's nothing stop asking me. I'm not doing anything. His response? I didn't say you were. Hmm. Asking what's wrong with me kind of implies that, in my book anyway.

Ugh. I'm done. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

Ps, if you're wondering where the initial post about my night out is, I was in the middle of composing it when he called and it didn't save.

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