Is that bad? The things we do (or not) for Our Children

In my previous post about the Brown family, a commenter noted that they had really negatively affected the children by moving to Nevada. (Something that was necessary as they were being investigated in their home state of Utah for polygamy.) My first thought was, do we not all do things that negatively affect our children? Doesn't everything we do either have a positive or a negative outcome, but sometimes you just have to do it anyway?

Well, they don't have to live that lifestyle you could say. True enough. But many of us, by the end of the day skimp out on things that would be more beneficial for our children because we just can't do any more than we're currently doing. There are times when I say, "No book tonight. I'm wiped out." My little guy looks at me with these heartbroken eyes and pouts off to bed. Maybe he needed me to read that book. Maybe he was on a developmental jumping point and I didn't follow through. That's a risk I'm willing to take, because as humans we are selfish creatures. 

I'll even admit to something really bad. My child is currently going to a home daycare with no educational aspects involved simply because it's cheaper (by a long shot) than a school based daycare and because of the other people involved. That's horrible. I know. But when we started I wanted him in a daycare where he would be nurtured and loved, like I would have done had I been able to stay home longer. Now, I'm to a point where I don't want to pay more money to send him to the other daycare, I don't want for our babysitter to have less income because of me, I don't want to take him away from his friends; it's just too complicated at this point. I try and tell myself he will go to school (if he's like me) for the rest of his life, this is his break. I really don't believe that. But because I'm selfish about my money and I care for our babysitter and he has these great relationships with kids his age that I'm choosing to do something that may have an adverse affect on my kid years down the road. We all make decisions that may be the wrong ones, that may be bad, but (I'm going to guess) everyday we do these things that may not be the right thing, and I am choosing not to judge anyone else, because I definitely don't want them judging me.

Really though, my point is no matter the bad decisions we make that affect our lives, or the lives of our children, we are all doing the best we can. Even people who aren't very good parents, who make horrible decisions, who are so selfish that they are truly hurting their children with each mistake they make are doing the best they can. Does that mean maybe we need to learn how to cope a little better? Yes. Should we, as parents, stop being so egocentric and consider our children when we make decisions? Yes. But that doesn't mean that every decision be based on what's best for our children. Sometimes we do have to make decisions that are best for us and try our hardest to make sure that our children come out with something good.

(To the commenter mentioned in the first paragraph, I truly appreciated your comment, it as it gave me an entirely new perspective that I hadn't considered. Please don't think this a response to your direct comment, but a general idea that was sparked after reading your words. Something I always enjoy. The best part about blogging is knowing that our own ideas aren't always perfect and other people always see things in different ways. New perspectives are always learning experiences.)

Sister Wives: Opinion, Hold the Judgement

The TLC reality show Sister Wives is new again tonight. I've watched this show from the beginning. At first, it was a curiosity, the same curiosity that made me watch Jon and Kate; but as I watched I was drawn into the insanity of their lifestyle. The drama and something that just is not an acceptable lifestyle. 

I strive to not be a judgmental person. So it wasn't until my mom mentioned one day that I was being so, that I realized what I was doing. We were discussing the show and I was just going off about their lifestyle. How strange they were, the choices they were making, etc etc. My mom basically said they kids aren't being harmed, there is food, shelter, love, more than basic necessities. The kids are well taken care of; they have so many siblings to play with and love who take care of each other. While they live a lifestyle I don't, and don't necessarily agree with, it's not my place to judge. Even if they have put their lifestyle on television, it's not my place to feel ugly things toward them and think they are bad or wrong. 

So after much thought, here are my raw feelings on the show/family/lifestyle. 

First, my concern is why would you put yourself at risk for felony charges, jail time, loosing jobs etc by going on television? I understand wanting to have your story put out there, teaching others, hoping to gain something for your family and future generations. I know about fighting for what you believe in, but I'm sure that there could have been a better way to start it than by going on television. 

Second, my personal issue. It feels to me (my feminist self) that this situation, these unions, suggest that one woman is not equal to one man. One man needs four wives to be fulfilled. I don't like the implications of that. I don't know any of the religious or faith based ideas that polygamy comes from, so that could be something that I've developed on my own. But it is something I feel and something I am not comfortable with. However, I can accept that many wives live a lifestyle differently from me. I don't accept that I should be obedient to what my husband says. I will be obedient in my marriage and follow the vows that we made. IF he made faith based decisions, I would follow them. But he doesn't, so that's a non issue. So basically, I have made a conscious decision that we all live the way that works for us, and there's nothing I can do with it except live my life the way I want.

Finally, the Browns are currently filing a federal suit against the state of Utah to have the law that bars polygamy overturned. There have been other law suits (one in the state of Texas) in which the Supreme Court stated gay sex was out of the jurisdiction of the law. This law being overturned would positively affect people like the Browns who appear to be living the way they should be. They are just a big happy family. However, and I know there are always exceptions, there are families in which children are just the result of marriages. They aren't valued for anything except the future marriage to someone, most likely an older family member and probably before they are legally of age. If the overturning of this law legally allows families like the latter to continue, I don't think that's a positive thing. I'm not sure how that can be regulated, probably can't, but I don't want to see something that could be positive for those who would use it appropriately be abused by those others who are doing it illegally and treating their families/children negatively now. 

Overall, this show is one that I watch because I'm nosy and curious. I am most definitely not being judgmental about this family any more and I'm not ready to stop watching because I'm appalled at what they're doing. 

So, there is my opinion on Sister Wives. The show and partially the lifestyle. What's yours?

Semi follow up post here.

a little hommage

Elizabeth Taylor passed away today, a truly sad thing. My love of Liz has developed much more in my adulthood. I have always loved Cleopatra, but in college and first watched Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and I fell in love with Liz again. She's so gorgeous and classy. Pretty sure I would have married her, in her prime, given the chance.

Here's to the loss of a Hollywood icon, you will be missed.

(Photo courtesy of GroupNewsBlog)

Hollywood self esteem

Megan Fox is admitting to cutting herself and being extremely insecure.

I feel terrible for this girl. I don't really have any self esteem issues, sometimes I feel down about something or another, but I just don't have the time or energy to care what others think about me, physically or mentally.

This girl is hot. And loaded. And really hot. She's a freaking movie star.

How can you feel down about yourself? You have to have talent to be an actress, it's not as simple as it seems. You have to be hot to be the kind of actress she is. And yet she says she feels as if she has no worth. I just don't get that.

With all of that said, my cousin made the HS paper a few weeks ago, and the same paper had a survey of the actresses they thought were the hottest. It was a HS poll. Sophie Bush beat out Megan Fox. We were all shocked. Guess that much overwhelming beauty can be too much, even to high school boys, who would have guessed.

Drama, Drama

I'm sure a ton of people don't agree with me, but I think that the Kanye West thing was staged.

I read an article a while back written by a celeb assistant; he didn't say who he worked for, but that he did work for a major celebrity. He said that there are so many things that are fabricated just for publicity, relationships, break-ups, etc.

Basically, two celebrities who needed a publicity boost would pretend to be in a relationship. They would be seen together in public, or maybe going to the other's house, but nothing was really happening. They were just using the paparazzi for their own benefit.

After reading that, I don't really believe anything that happens in Hollywood. The Kanye/Taylor story has been blasted all over facebook, myspace, and every news page in the world. It's a top trend on twitter. It's everywhere.

How else could they have gotten a buzz like that for the VMAs? I have seen a ton of people update their status to say they are now going to watch the late edition of the VMAs just to see the drama, would they have watched it before? No, or they would have just watched the early one.

I think it's just a blatant way to generate notoriety they wouldn't have had before.

More on my little friend Jon

Apparently Jon Gosselin is a bigger douche bag than I thought he was.

On GMA, he's alledging that he was abused. That he was left behind with the kids while Kate was out "traveling." That what broke their marriage down was his saying, I'm going out with my friends.

Am I the only one who hears all of this in the whiny voice of a 5 year old? Seriously? You weren't abused, you were a baby. Man up, if you want to wear the pants, then wear them, but you've got to step up your game my friend.

Oh, and your wife wasn't out "traveling" she was WORKING. You know, that's where the money came from that bought your car and 5k square foot Trump Towers place. Working Jon, you should try it.

His actual words were, 'the straw that broke the camel's back was when I stood up to Kate.' He stood up to her by saying, "I'm going out with my friends." (Imagine these words with a pout, you know, really stick your lips out.) Geez. You have 8 kids, you don't get to go out and play with your friends all the time. Oh, and PS your friends are 22 year old females, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't let you hang out with them either.

A bit of celeb gossip and an opinion.

You can't walk into a grocery store nowadays without seeing Jon and/or Kate Gosselin on a cover of something. I have an opinion on a lot of things, and this just happens to be one of them.

I thoroughly dislike Jon.

I don't care that his (ex)wife is snippy and bosses him around. I don't care that she sometimes comes across as hateful and belittling toward him. Those are reasons for marriage counseling, not divorce.

I just started watching the show last year. I loved seeing the natural family dynamic and struggle to raise so many children under the same house. Now I feel as though everything about it is posed and extremely unnatural. (Even before the divorce.)

I see the things (that are edited, I do realize this) that Jon says, and it just makes me want to slap him. From the things you see and read, he doesn't have any regrets or sympathy for his actions. He doesn't seem to care that he has really and truly hurt Kate.

Some might say he's just finally grown the balls to deal with her, but I think he's being an insensitive prick.

Now, I will go ahead and admit this as well. I see a lot of Kate in myself. I don't go around screaming at my husband or child, but there are times when I yell. There are times when I feel so frustrated that I just can't sit with my mouth shut and say things like, "Wash this crap off your plate and put it in the dishwasher. It's really not that hard."

I have one husband, who has lived through A LOT and is extremely mature and one child. I can only imagine having a husband who acts the way Jon is portrayed and 8 children. It would be hard, for me anyway. There are mothers, like the Duggar woman who doesn't seem to have any trouble constantly being nice to her million children, but I just can't imagine it.

I think I would always be aggravated at one of them, there are just too many for all of them to be on their best behavior 24 hours a day. I never imagined myself a stay at home mom either, maybe it just comes. Who knows.

Other than the children, to have a husband who runs around the country skiing and spending time with friends when he is married is just odd to me. How can you say you are taking care of your family when you are snowboarding in Vail for 3 weeks? Alone with "friends." I just don't get that kind of behavior. He has a super expensive, non family car, a chopper, he jet sets all over while Kate does book tours and public speaking. He whines about her being gone and his having to take care of the kids. He whines about the publicity and how he wants a normal life.

I have two things to say about that. First, you don't seem to mind not having a normal life when you are living in a 1.2 million dollar house (or a Donald Trump high rise now), driving a $50k car, and going on vacations regular people couldn't even dream of. And second, if Jon Gosselin were just a normal guy, he wouldn't have women flocking to him. Who wants a cheater with 8 kids, and an ex like Kate?! Like I said, I like Kate, but I sure wouldn't want to be with her ex husband, I can only imagine the catty things she would say both to your face and behind your back. To answer my question, no one. No one wants a "normal" Jon, especially with all of his baggage.

But what I do know is, I would definitely have to inflict massive pain, either emotional or physical, to my husband if he EVER acted like Jon.

Sorry if you don't agree. You can comment if you want, but I really don't care. I'm still gonna think what I want. lol