Stupid Milk Ads

I read this ridiculously funny blog, The Bloggess. She writes super funny posts on her blog and also a few other columns. My favorite is the one about picking your battles. But all that is an aside, to her most recent post about the Milk Campaign.

This new ad campaign is the type of thing that just really both, gets under my skin and makes me wonder at the insanity of those who approved it? Maybe they don't really care because they know people will buy milk no matter what their ads say? Who knows.

One states, "I apologize for letting you misinterpret what I was saying." Another, "I apologize for not reading between the right lines." Both have a url, "EveryThingIDoIsWrong.org"claiming that milk can help reduce the symptoms of PMS.

I personally think these ads are incredibly tasteless and there is just so much wrong with them, on so many levels. I just won't go there, but I will say that I'm so glad they came to their sense and decided to pull the ads.

Chivalry? I'll pass, but thanks.

Several of my friends posted this photo on pinterest saying that if we want to have men who are more chivalrous, we must be more feminine, in the recent past, and I have to admit in my feminist perspective, I have a really hard time stomaching it. Firstly, "chivalry" is defined by dictionary.com as: the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.

Those knights those values were modeled after, while may have been sworn by a code of honor to be chivalrous to the women of their own country, often found ways of pillaging, raping, killing, and enslaving women of other countries.

In a small discussion on facebook about the pin, one of the posters said she didn't mean chivalry from it's origins, but the more contemporary view. The idea of the Southern Gentleman. You know, the guy who opens the doors, who refuses to let a woman even think of paying for dinner, the guy who works hard to provide for his wife so she doesn't have to work and can instead stay home taking care of their children. That guy. That guy who was probably one in a million in those days. That same guy who always made a show of opening the door for his wife in public and talked down to her and treated her as property, while the nation allowed her to be treated as such. That guy who would never be with a woman who might have more money than him, that guy who would never let his wife work. That guy who doesn't have time for his wife and children, but instead comes home and goes to his study or out with friends while he drinks whiskey. That guy who only has time for his wife when he expects her to submit to him in bed. That's what the vast majority of women married to "Southern Gentlemen" with chivalrous values experienced. Those dependent women were miserable in their lives but had no other option, as the men in their family, chivalrous gentlemen controlled every aspect of it.

This isn't to say that some men aren't real gentlemen. Not all men who open doors and pay for dinner are jerks. But the men those ideals were based on, most likely were. I know of men who work hard to provide for their wives and children. Who work extra hours to ensure that their wives and children have nice, new clothes while theirs might be last years and a little worn. Those guys do exist, I've seen it.

It doesn't happen that way in my house. My husband worked hard when I was in college to provide for our future, even if that meant I would be the bread winner. I'm fine with that. He's fine with that. I wouldn't trade being financially mutual, feeling accomplished in my job and education, being able to share the feeling of equally providing for our family; I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Remember though, I was a stay at home mom for over a year, I've seen both sides of the coin and I prefer the one I'm on now.

Here's a quote on chivalry I can get down with, "We are told that men protect us; that they are generous, even chivalric in their protection. Gentlemen, if your protectors were women, and they took all your property and your children, and paid you half as much for your work, though as well or better done than your own, would you think much of chivalry?" -Mary B Clay

The Proverbial Pants

Who wears the pants in your relationship(s)? Notice, I put that (s) there for a reason. There are some people who not only wear the pants in their romantic relationships, but also their friendships and work relationships as well.

My first NY observation is that most of the couples I've seen showcase male dominated relationships. That's just not so common back home, which I think is hilarious. When you consider the much higher levels of education and intelligence the north has...kidding. But really, when you consider the more liberal attitude thought to prevail in the north, you just wouldn't expect the men to think they need to be waited on hand and foot by a woman like the 50's.

Maybe it's just my family, but there are more women wearing the pants, or at least sharing the pants than there are men.

I'm totally ok with sharing the pants, that's what we do most of the time. Well, when we can get them off the kid...But I like his input on major decisions and he does mine as well. It's important to know expectations and rules in relationships, not meaning "I expect you to know the rules in this house are have my dinner ready when I walk in, or have those dishes done before you sit down."

I mean, having a clear cut set of expectations for each other, and not setting each other up for failure. And wouldn't you know, I'm ok with honoring and obeying so much better when I helped create the rules.

Interesting observation for me, because when I picture the over bearing, controlling husband he's a big southern man, red faced from work who's bossing his woman around. Not a professor from NY or Boston.

More Feminism, Role Models, and Why I Turned Out So Well

After researching and publishing my post on Disney Princesses last night, I got to thinking about other fictional role models that girls look up to, or wish to be.

One who gets a lot of flack in my mind is Bella Swan. This meek, insecure girl who has new clue about inner beauty and self worth is projecting her image to millions of girls (women and boys as well); and I'm just not sure it's the image I would want my teenage daughter receiving. If you haven't read the books, then you might not be getting the full picture of Bella, but even the books are a bit iffy with me.

Bella is having to essentially parent her mother, and deal with her strings of relationships, which in a polar opposite from my last post is reality. However, she is giving up too much of herself for the happiness of her mother, who should really just grow up and be a mother herself. In all her self-sacrificial glory, she moves to horrible, rainy Washington State (that she loathes) to live with her dad. While living with her dad, she does all of the housework and cooking, and again is taking care of her parent in a way that's just not kosher with me personally.

Then, her biggest failure of all comes when she meets a boy. Not just any boy, a boy who wants to literally suck the life out of her. Again, her self-sacrificial self does not see the warning signs, and is actually drawn to this boy, Edward (if you didn't know). Her self-preservation skills are terribly impaired, again, not the message I want sent to my (non-existent, hypothetical) daughter.

Throughout the four novels, Bella continually shows a lack of want to stay alive, quite the opposite in fact, she wants to become a undead, like Edward. She allows herself to be manipulated and controlled; and states in various ways that her life revolves around Edward and his love. Her life, which is in jeopardy many times, just ends when he's not around; and is at risk to whenever he is. It's a very slippery slope with those two. But honestly, what can you expect from a teenage couple whose ideals are based on late 19th and early 20th century values. She longs to be a Jane Austen character, and he could be one.

My next biggest issue with Bella, is that she's dying (no pun intended) to get married just so that she can have sex. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for a girl waiting until she's married to have sex, but let's not twist that notion into, getting married at 18 just to have sex. (I totally realize that she does love him, but again, many girls *think* they love boys, when they really don't.) Not to mention the fact that if she's the one chomping at the bit, and the boy is the one abstaining, that's not really teaching much of a lesson, because there aren't that many teenage boys on the boat for abstaining.

Then I was trying to come up with a fictional role model I would want my daughter looking up to. Possibly Rosalie, for all her fierceness, she has a pretty good head on her shoulders now that she's had nearly a century to learn from her human mistakes. Alice...no, I don't make enough money for my daughter to look up to Alice.

Which had me thinking of other supernatural fictional characters...How about Buffy? Her benefits include, ferocity, self-sufficient-ness, intelligence, and great work ethic. Her negatives include having sex in high school, with vampires. Guess you just can't win.

So, here I sit, having bashed a series that I've read multiple times. I read them through two or three times before I read a comical online commentary about how awful of a person Edward was. And then I went back and read it again. And then I saw the awfulness. He actually unhooked something in her car so that she couldn't leave. Makes me wish she would have just taken the police cruiser that Charlie offered. Does all of this mean I won't read the books anymore? No. Does it mean that I will ban them from my teenage daughters room? No, but I will follow it up with a feminist lesson in how girls and boys should work, and not how they do.

All of this stems from somewhere personal. When reading the books I knew exactly what that head over heels, first love felt like. I knew it well. I knew what it was like if it were the end of the world if you didn't get to see that boy. I was that girl, and it is NOT the life or the choices I would ever choose for my daughter. Not that I'll be making her choices, because that would be very anti-fem of me. However, I will tell her my story, and I will hope, pray, and probably cry and lose sleep hoping and crying that she will learn from my mistakes, and live her teenage years in a completely different way than I did.

How did I turn out so well? Maybe because I was an avid Buffy fan. Maybe because I knew how I wanted to be treated and wasn't putting up with any male chauvinist crap. Maybe it was simply because the boy I loved didn't feel the need to control me because I was so ridiculously in love with him.

On that note, here is an old blog I wrote while I was being very melancholic about love, and I do still think that some of those things stand, but maybe not all of them. Love is just a very difficult thing.

Penelope

I mentioned the movie Enchanted earlier, and the fact that I'm not enthused with the overall idea of the movie.

Well, after Chance went to bed, Archer and I watched Penelope, the movie with Christina Ricci. I went into it expecting it to be silly, and your regular run of the mill JH girl movie.

After watching the movie, I can only hope that every JH girl has seen the movie. In my comparison of the two movies, I would choose the slightly more rough around the edges Penelope over Enchanted.

The Disney flick had was cute, but in my opinion it gave the wrong message. Penelope had more adult language and themes, but had the message that young girls need to hear.

Fairy Tale Movie?

Since Starz is free this weekend, there is lots on TV! Yeah right, but still, I DVRed "Enchanted" last night, and we watched it earlier today.

Spoiler if you haven't seen it.



Knowing it's a Disney movie, I wasn't expecting anything too risque or anything. There weren't any blatant cleavage shots or a ton of over exposing clothes. The father buys a book about famous women for the daughter instead of the fairy tale book she wanted.

Blah, blah the movie goes on in a typical fashion for disney. Singing, dancing, and gaiety. (The happy kind, not the sexual kind.) Well, you can clearly see that the father is growing feelings for the princess, and like wise. They almost kiss.

The movie winds down to the ulimate climactic moment, and guess what? True love's first kiss we've been singing about since minute 3, it's not with Prince Edward, it's with Robert McDreamy.

Now, I have no problem with true love, singing, or fairy tales. But, and this is a pretty big one, but I'm not ok with adultery. I'm sure it sounds absurd to say this, but he's planning on proposing to his girlfriend of 5 years. She was on the way to the wedding to marry her prince. They were both "in love" with these people, yet suddenly they are in love with each other.

What kind of message is that? I like the idea of the story, that we don't always have to do what is expected, that we don't fall in love after just one day, we have to date and learn about each other. I get and respect all of that.

Don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking it, I just don't like to promote the idea that we can fall out of love with one person and in love with another in a matter of days.

Why women should rule the world.

My dad has been talking about trading his truck in for months. Well, this summer they have been trying really hard to unload the behemoth (it's an 07 Ford F150 V8 longbed) and a few weeks ago my dad found a truck he was ok with. They went and looked at it, but they were still $10 over his current payment and he refused to pay it. My mom finally talked him into it, but only if he got this Escape that was cheaper because she drives it anyway.

My dad talked to the kid, who is my age FYI, and got everything all worked out. My mom was supposed to go up, pick up the Escape and leave the truck for the night.

We get up there today, kid isn't anywhere around. No receptionist, not a woman in the dealership at all. After waiting about 5 minutes another salesman comes out and asks if we are waiting for something. No shit sherlock. What else would we be doing sitting in the lobby of a car dealership? We say yes, tell him what the deal is. He wanders around, finds another man to follow him in his wandering. The owner comes up, he is apparently kid's dad. So now we have the first stupid man, the man he picked up, kid and kid's dad wandering around trying to get the car ready.

Kid's dad comes up sits down, bs-es for a while and then tells my mom he can't really make the deal he offered my dad over the phone yesterday because that was for the truck and not the Escape. The E is $4k cheaper, so why would the payments be more you ask? Men are dumb that's why. So now kid's dad tells us we can test drive the E or the Truck that my dad had orginally picked out. Mom says she knows what the truck drives like, it's just like the one she has.

We take the E and call my dad to tell him about the crap deal they have going on. My dad says to just come home, because oh yeah we drove 30 minutes to do this, but then he decides he will just call and see what the deal is.

Somewhere in all the mass chaos of stupid men I suggest that they need a woman in the dealership running the show and my mom quips, "Yeah, kid's mom needs to come down here and line her men out."

Gotta love bossy controlling feminists. Now you guys see why I like Kate Gosselin. Yeah she might be bossy and snotty, but occasionally it's necessary.

I'm being a feminist again.

I had a thought today, I have really never once considered myself feminist, but I think I must really be. How ironic huh, a stay at home mom feminazi?

This is the reason, the show "Little Rascals." Basic idea: Young boys having a club called, "He-Man Woman Haters Club" and the only exception to this club, the cutest girl in town Darla.

Ok, first of all that title is as insulting as it gets. I mean, that's not PC in anyway shape or form. Then to have little boys acting and talking about it makes it worse. Add to that, the cute girl can be in the club, but only because the boys are all lusting after her, really? I'm not OK with that, on any level.

Chance says to this, "They are just kids, they don't have any idea what's going on. It's just a kids show."

Yeah, but when this show first came out, KIDS weren't writing storylines, scripts, or directing it, MEN were. Chauvanistic, men were.

While I don't agree in all things feminist, my son will not be watching Little Rascals, on principle. : )

Penis envy, I think not.

I'm not exactly sure what it is with men. I mean really, only a man would come up with something as asenine as penis envy. IF anything, it's clearly the other way around. Generally if I'm out and about, and there is a stray penis I might look out of morbid train-wreck type curiosity, but I'm gonna look away. If there are boobs out in the open, men gape, and without regard to anything else that might be happening around them. I think it's boob envy, and they are just too insecure to admit it.

What brought on this line of questioning? My 9 month old son is already a full on man.

His little butt started seeming slightly chaffed so I gave him a good dousing of powder. I put some on the penis too, and thus developed his new bad habit. If his diaper is off for more than 2 seconds, his hand is on it. I have to pull his hand off because he's clutching to it like it's a life preserver and the Titanic just went down.

The first time he did this it was just "Oh, wow where did that come from?" By the time I got the diaper on, he was saluting. Let's just say his daddy was more than amused. He even cheered him on. (Check double standards here, as there is no way he would cheer his daughter in the same fashion)

Fundamental Feminists

I have a confession. I read fanfic. I am airing this because while reading a story the other day, the heroine was accused of setting back the women's lib movement for making a full Thanksgiving dinner.

I have always been extremely fond of cooking, and find this a little disconcerting. Since when does doing something you enjoy setting back the lib? If you are being forced to do, maybe I can see that, but being in a relationship with anyone who forces you to do anything has already done damage to what the women of our past worked hard to achieve.