Sunday morning tired

I'm sitting here on an early Sunday morning really wishing I could have a hot steaming cup of coffee. Caffeine makes me feel terrible so I avoid it. If I don't follow up a coke with a gatorade I feel dehydrated and tired.

It's cloudy out, it's cool in my house and I'm awake way too early. I stayed up late reading and Archer was restless all night long, waking hourly to whine or flop. It's going to be a long day.

Shoes

My sweet boy has never worn shoes all day. At home we take them off upon entering. At daycare, he took them off upon entering.

On his first day of school he looked around the room a little confused and asked where he was supposed to put his shoes.

Then when he got home he made sure to tell me he even napped in them. :)

It was so sweet and innocent. He really had no idea that people wore shoes all day.

Looking Good!

OH, and in case you hadn't noticed, I did a little making over today. The old layout was, well, old. :)

After School Update

I promised an update this afternoon, so here is what I have.

He had fun, but he didn't play with anyone. No one would play with him so he played Captain Hook alone. He also didn't touch his lunchbox or use his blanket for his nap. He said they didn't let him take his lunch or get his blanket. He also told me all he ate today was pancakes and a yogurt, so I have no idea if he got a plate at lunch and just didn't eat it or what. He did eat his entire lunch as soon as he walked in the door, so he was definitely hungry.

He said he was sad when I left, so I told him tomorrow we would go super early so I could talk to his teacher and then have time to say goodbye. And now he's currently taking a nap on his bedroom floor. :)

First day!!

Well, today was the day. My baby boy's very first day of school. Until now he has either been at home with me or in an at-home daycare. This is a major transition, for Archer and Mom.

Last night he wasn't tired and fought sleep until nearly 10. He of course slept with mom, because dad is at work. He didn't even consider sleeping in his own room. :)

Our alarm went off at a very early 7 am and he begged for "2 more minutes" so I relented and gave him until 7:10. When I told him it was time for oatmeal he hopped out of bed and ran to get his robe to keep warm while I made lunch.

After breakfast we got dressed, brushed teeth and went outside to take some pictures! 

He was very excited the entire way to school and seemed fine when I took him in. We put his back pack and lunch in his locker. George the bear went too, he was to stay in the locker until nap time (which should be right now). He didn't cry at all, though he seemed a little leery of staying alone. Mommy may have shed a few tears, but not a lot. We were ok! 

Pick up is at 2:45 and I can't wait to hear how his day was. 

Stressing

Just in case you hadn't noticed by my recent posts, I'm stressing a lot about what's going to happen when baby gets here. 

If it's a normal healthy delivery, I don't mind visitors at the hospital once we're settled in a private room. With Archer the waiting room was packed full from 10am until late evening when I was finally able to move to a single room. I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours and felt terrible. I was all drugged out and just watching people pass him around and it was so uncomfortable. However, hospitals are neutral ground and people don't feel compelled to stay around forever so it's really ok. 

My biggest concern is coming home and not being able to feed or pump comfortably in my own home because people will want to come and visit for hours, not just the baby but Chance too, since he's gone a lot. I know people will want to see the baby, but when he needs to be fed every 2 hours and I'm going to try pumping too, it's just not going to be conducive to visits involving much "chatting." 

Chance thinks I'm nuts since I've done all of this before, and maybe I am, but I can't seem to stop. It drives me insane when people complain about stressors they can't control, so I promise I'm done. I feel a lot better now that I've gotten it out. I've talked to Chance and a few other friends and I really do feel better. I'm making a plan and he's promised to be the bad guy if need be. I love him for it, he knows I'm a chicken. 

I would expect one more post on this matter, laying out the plan, but other than that, I'm done. Thanks for listening. 

When baby comes...

I'm going to tell you a secret. Well, it might not be a secret for some of you, but it's not anything I've ever said out loud before. 

When Archer was first born, other than the whirlwind of emotions from just having a newborn baby and being exhausted, I was exhausted from spending extra time in the hospital (NICU parents, my heart goes out to you indefinitely) and I wanted to get to my home so that I could learn what life was like with a new baby. When I got home there were well intentioned visitors at my house which was ok for the first hour or so, because it allowed me time to shower and eat. 

After that first day, the constant stream of visitors really wore me down. I really just wanted time alone with my baby to learn what in the world I was supposed to do. Why wasn't he eating, why didn't I have enough milk, when would I ever sleep again? It was so stressful and overwhelming. My baby wasn't getting any bigger and I was really just freaking out. 

The people who came to visit were most likely met with me running to my room, a messy house, and I was struggling to hold it all together and take care of myself and a new baby. I know I cooked a few times, but other than that, I couldn't tell you what Chance ate or if he did. 

I wasn't a very good hostess. I was really upset that people kept coming and wanting to hold this baby that I was supposed to be feeding every hour. I needed help with other things, but holding the baby wasn't one of them. That feeling, knowing it would be happening again, knowing I'm going to feel so territorial and stressed has been causing me anxiety from the moment I found out I was pregnant again. I try not to stress about stuff like that, but those emotions were so strong that I'm not ready to feel that way again. 

When I tried to talk to Chance about it, he said he wasn't sure why I was stressing, I've done it all before. Sure, but I did it all before without having to worry about getting up and getting a 4 year old ready for school or feeding him or ensuring that he has enough time and attention. I want to be successful at breast feeding and that means better habits at the beginning, which is going to be even harder with a preschooler. 

It's going to be harder this time because I may or may not have help, depending on Chance's work schedule. I might be doing it all on my own right away, and I'll need so much help. 

I'm saying all of this to say, I'm not against people coming over. I know they want to see the baby. But before I have guests coming over to hold and spend time with my baby, I need time to be a mother. I don't need people holding him, I need people cooking dinner so that I don't have to loading the dishwasher, folding clothes or tossing something in the washer, going to the store for groceries or whatever, taking Archer to play at the park or just giving him one on one time. I'm terrible at asking for help, and chances are, I won't. I'll sit and cry in my overemotional state. 

Breastfeeding is hard and I'm so anxious to do it in front of people, I need privacy. I've never really pumped before, but definitely plan to this time, so I imagine I'll just be living in my bedroom until I can get the hang of it again in peace and privacy. 

I found this blog early in my pregnancy and it put words to so many things I felt. I think it goes a little further than I would, but the bare bones are such great ideas. 

I'm not saying I think every visitor who comes to my house should come expecting to clean and not be spoken to, without getting to hold the baby. I just ask that everyone be respectful of the time they spend and please try to be somewhat helpful without expecting me to entertain you or let you hold my baby for long periods of time. Have patience with me, because I'm going to be on an emotional roller coaster and most likely will not have patience for anyone. 

The Good Parts

Last week I posted about the bad things we experience during pregnancy. Let's be honest, there are things about being pregnant that aren't awesome. It's not all rainbows and bunnies. 

That doesn't mean I'm miserable the entire time or I don't enjoy the experience. It's just honesty. I'm at the point right now where I would so much rather have a baby in my arms than my abdomen. I'm just ready to get on with it, not feel anxious about what's going to happen or where my husband will be when it does. I'm ready for him to get here so Archer can get used to life with our new family so he can stop feeling anxious about his place in life. I am, and I don't really think that's bad.

I also will miss this entire experience. This will be our last baby, or at least my last pregnancy. If we could adopt some day, we might, but it will all depend on where we are financially in 10 years. I love being pregnant, like I said, I really don't have such a terrible time. I'm not throwing up the entire first few months, I don't have horrible symptoms, and I love feeling a little tiny person growing inside me. 

It makes me sad to know once he's out, I'll never feel a little foot kick again. Getting to experience being pregnant is amazing, and I'm fully aware that it's something denied to so many. It breaks my heart for them because it really is something great. I don't take it for granted even when I'm ready for a baby instead of a belly. 

Surprises!!

Having online friends (most of whom you've never met) is a really crazy experience. You get to meet these people from all over the country (and world) with completely different world views, values, and skills. 

As it turns out, I have this friend who can knit (and crochet, and sew and is overall crafty). 

A few months ago I found this adorable little fox newborn prop, and since baby's room is decorated in woodland creatures, emphasis on adorable little foxes, I decided I needed it. I talked to my friend who can knit, and we talked about her making it, etc. That was before I quit my job and had less realistic expectations of what I should be spending considering I was about to be income-less. 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I found a little fox ear hat and decided that I would be satisfied with that. I needed to spend a little less money and the hat was an adorable compromise. So again, I messaged my friend and she said she could definitely do it, no big deal and she would get started on it soon. 

She was done asap, and shipped it out. It arrived in the mail today. 

Is this not the most adorable hat you've ever seen? (Just say yes)

But as I was pulling out the hat, I noticed there was something else in the envelope. Turns out my friend, my sweet amazing friend also made the adorable newborn photo prop as well. 

Doesn't she know suprising pregnant people makes them cry? (I didn't take a picture of that. lol)

I am so excited and SO blessed to have received such a gift! I will make sure to take lots of pictures of my sweet baby boy in his adorable little prop and post them up in his room for all to see. It's wonderful and amazing! Thanks Devin! 

(Devin has an etsy shop that does custom orders and has some products in stock. She does an amazing job. I'm planning to order a hat for big brother now too. :))

Change of plans

Last October I learned about the BlogHer  conference . Because I'm interested in writing and blogging and I love NYC I was seriously considering going. They have a student rate, which is amazing and was seriously almost too goo to pass up. I almost booked my flights in December. I was thinking it would be an amazing time away for me, in a place that I love, learning about something that I enjoy and hopefully getting some new passion for blogging. Thank goodness I didn't, since you shouldn't fly at 35 weeks pregnant. :\ 

I also considered driving up to Pennsylvania to spend some time with Chance while he was at work, and then spend his time off up there. We even talked about getting a house on a lake and seriously spending the entire summer there. Again, pregnancy really changes plans doesn't it? 

The beginning of this summer was full of drama for me and I again considered driving up to PA and spending a few weeks away, but it's just too hard to do pregnant and alone with a 3 year old. I couldn't justify spending a ton of money on hotels and eating out when I had so much baby stuff to buy. 

While I regret missing some of those experiences, I'm so glad for the time I've had at home with Archer this summer. We drive each other crazy, but it's been great. Hopefully once I go back to work my sweet, loving husband will take me to NYC for my birthday (hint, hint). 

But the point of my post is, it's amazing how plans can change, and yet I'm getting rewarded with something so much better. A lifetime of happiness and memories that will most definitely beat out a few summer fun trips. I always try to be happy with whatever may happen, because it was meant to be. Whatever happens is what should have happened, in my mind. 

I'm ready for this new adventure and will take cancelled plans over it anytime. :)

The Bad Parts

Because I didn't really remember this part, I wanted to document it.

Sometimes pregnancy isn't all it's cracked up to be. I was lucky both times with morning sickness. I almost feel guilty sometimes when I see my friends struggling to sit upright without throwing up, because I rarely (if ever) threw up.

I love being pregnant (most of the time) but here are the parts I hate about being pregnant: The part where my tummy is so heavy it hurts my back to walk around. The part where I get up 5 times night to pee, even if I limit my fluids after 8. The part where I pee, then stand up and have to pee again, repeatedly. The part where I feel dehydrated if I don't drink gallons a day. The part where toast gives me heartburn. The part where my hormones are so out of whack I cry for no reason, or I feel overwhelmed for no reason so I cry. The part where getting up off the floor after sitting requires and crane lift. The part where I can't sleep because no position is comfortable or once I am comfortable, baby isn't so he flops around until I move.

Did I mention not being able to sleep? That really is the worst part because you know you are about to be without sleep on a regular basis but you can't get comfortable or your brain just won't turn off. Oh, I almost forgot. The restless legs. If you've never had restless legs you're missing out, it's fun. Mine start just after a positive pregnancy test and last until the end. It's awesome.

I know I will miss experiencing all of this some day, but just in case I think I want to do it again, I want to remember all the bad stuff too. The fun stuff is so easy to remember, but I really don't think our brains have the capacity for all the bad stuff. If we did, we wouldn't do it over and over.

The Nursery has Begun!

After the last post, just an update. Since we got our room all moved, we started moving baby furniture in. The dresser is in, the changing pad is on, and the drawers are full of clothes! Tomorrow the crib will be put up, the bedding will be washed and put in, and a little dresser will move in to store blankets and hold the lamp. 

I'll post pictures when it's all done! 

Bedroom: Finished!

I got a surprising, wonderful call today. The Lowes carpet installer was on his way! Our bedroom was in limbo, waiting only for the carpet. Chance leaves Wednesday so I just knew the carpet installer was going to come Wednesday or later. I was so pleased to get that call, to say the least! 

We waited all day, but finally around 4 he showed up. The carpet was finished by 5. As soon as those guys were out we started moving our furniture in. It was a ton of work, but everything is out of our old bedroom and we're starting to move baby stuff in. 

If you saw my post last week about the doors, this is the final product of the room. It is 100% finished, trim, paint, everything. It's actually the only room in our house that is 100%. I'm thrilled. 

We decided to go with this light turquoise. Chance was so tired of neutrals, our living room, kitchen and old bedroom (now baby's room) are all a different shade of beige. It's just light enough to be a semi-neutral and not overwhelmingly dark. It turned out great. 

Ceiling fan (only one in the house)

Carpet is finished.

Chance added trim over the slider.

Furniture is IN! 

I'm not sure just how design appropriate it is to have the white trim and accents with the dark furniture and dark fan, but it's what we have so it's going to have to work. :) I can't believe we didn't move our room sooner, there is so much more space. We can actually walk around the bed, who would have thought. And, there's also room for the Rock n Play. 

Ready for baby! 

Whooping Cough

We've all seen the commercials, the horrible cough coming from a tiny baby, telling us that Pertussis is dangerous and most commonly passed to new babies by parents, siblings, and other family members. 

When pregnant with Archer I'm not even sure I knew anything about Pertussis (or if I did the exhaustion of having a newborn has wiped it clean). In recent years I've seen more and more advertisements about it. 

But what concerns me the most are the recent cases of newborns and infants being taken to the hospital with it. Just a few weeks ago a baby from a nearby town passed away after struggling with pertussis for weeks before that. He wasn't old enough to have the vaccine. Then just two weeks ago a friend from high school's son was admitted to Children's Hospital with it. His oxygen levels were low because he couldn't breathe due to coughing. That really scared me. I cannot imagine having sit in a hospital and watch my baby fight just to breathe. 

Another friend posted last night that another baby has it. That was the final straw for me. I posted on facebook that everyone planning to visit needed to get the pertussis booster. I still need Chance to talk to his parents about it, but the word is getting out. 

If you're coming to see my baby, you're going to need to bring your shot record. ;) Ok, I'm kidding about that, but please get the shot.

Whining.

I think the third trimester, especially this last half of it, is my least favorite time of pregnancy. I feel so ready to have a baby, and yet so completely un-ready to physically have a baby in my home. I was thinking earlier, I have 6 weeks left. That is so close, yet still SO far away. On top of that, baby doesn't have a room, the furniture hasn't been built, I still have so much to wash. AAAH. 

What I hate most is not having the energy to do anything, but having an overwhelming urge to do everything. My whole house needs to be cleaned. I have a ton of my own laundry to do and I'm still getting ready for school for the kid. 

I've been working on washing baby clothes and I have them all folded, but I have no where to put them. Baby has a dresser, but it's in the shop. I don't want cat hair or random bugs all over them so I guess they'll just sit in a laundry basket in my living room. 

I just wish the carpet guy would hurry up and then I would be able to relax.