Monday, January 4, 2010


As a naieve 16 year old girl I thought that because Chance and I were special; like our love was this magical bond. I'm not sure if that was because we had been friends for so long, if it was because we knew at 15 that we wanted to be together forever or that as a little girl, I dreamed that he was the Ken to my Barbie. Sickeningly sweet, I know.

I dreamed of this world, where untouched by reality, we were meant to be and would live happily ever after. I still feel like we are meant to be, and don't get me wrong. We are happy, but I guess I grew up. That alternate reality where everyone has a soul mate, and love at first sight exists, doesn't really exist to me anymore.

While I know our relationship is superior to some others, you know like those who fight all the time and treat each other like crap. Our relationship is definitely more meaningful than that, but can I really say it is different from yours just because we knew younger that we loved each other. No, probably not.

We don't fight that much, but we don't get along as well as we did pre-baby, and I honestly think that's because I changed. My world couldn't be rainbows, sunshine and love for just one person anymore. My heart grew in ways unimaginable before, and I had to face reality. Life wasn't that simple.

I wouldn't trade Archer for the world, but find myself wishing the world was back as I've known it for so long. And I don't even wish I could still be that naieve girl, you can't be that person and a mother, I don't think. You can still have dreams, but they can no longer be selfish and needy. Now I dream about a safer world, one where my child won't have to fear wars and crime. Now my dreams center around the happiness of my whole family, and not just myself. Less egocentric, past adolescense Piaget might say.

Either way, I just want to live my life with a firm grasp on the reality of this world, and and love both of my boys as much as I can. Not a bad place to be, I'd say.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


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