School Stress

So, I'm on the verge of freaking out.

I still have 12 quizzes left to do BY MONDAY for one of my stinking online classes, and the site is down.

I can read and study, whatever, but the quizzes have to be finished before I can take the exam.

I hate that I am such an awful procrastinator. It is my fault for sure, but this class is a little different. I didn't get the $150 book for a long time because my scholarship foundation took forever to pay me; and even though I started work in September, I didn't get paid until November.

Ugh, I need a massage to release some of the massive tension.

I am so completely overwhelmed...

I am kicking myself in the behind for not staying on top of my homework all through the year on these dang online classes!

I have two tests to take, 12 quizzes, and several discussions/observations to turn in. I can take an incomplete in only one class to continue recieving funding. I asked the teacher for my psych class if he would let me take an incomplete through break, I pray that he does.

Otherwise, this is going to be the strictest most hard core weekend ever.

How many words?

I was starting to worry about Archer and his word level being too low. But just in the past few weeks his language skills have exploded.

Here are the real words he's using:
-Mama
-Daddy
-Gigi
-Perpaw
-Papa
-Ami (My sister's name is Kami)
-Baby
-Hi
-Hey
-Bye
-BeBe (While pointing to his belly button)
-Whassat
-Wanit
-Poopy (When asked if he's poopy he says it, but doesn't tell us)
-No
-Numnum (For food)
-Cookie
-Cracker

Psuedo Words
-GooGoo (For something to eat or drink, it's multi purpose.)

Got some great news today!

After basically deciding that after this spring I was going to stop going to school for a while, I learned today that I only have spring, summer, and then my practicum this fall. While a year really and truly is a long time, when you break it down like that, it doesn't seem that long. Of course, all the papers and tests, and driving will suck, but at least I will get more and a better job out of it in the long run! : )

After I talked to my advisor, I talked to one of the counselors at my school who said he would be happy to help me! I even talked to my supervisor about staying at this school and not having to change in the fall so that I can do my practicum there, and she said that was doable!

I'm really excited. I would be even more excited if not for the fact that tomorrow consists of homework ALL DAY!

I hate Christmas...

Well, not the holiday, and definitely not the meaning I hold true to; but most definitely the commerical aspect of it.

Don't get me wrong, for the first time EVER we can afford to blow a little money on our neices and nephews. We got Archer 2 little presents and a big one.

The stinky thing is, we spent $270!! That's only $20 a kid (plus the $10 I put in the salvation army bucket), and then Archer's presents. I immediately called my sister and told her to stop reproducing, I couldn't afford to buy gifts for her children. (Jokingly only, mostly)

I hate that society makes me feel bad for not doing this. I hate that we as a society let ourselves be sucked into this, we must spend money on our and other children. That's just not the way I want to be. I want my child to appreciate the meaning I hold dear to Christmas, and if for some reason, he chooses not to follow my beliefs, I would at least like for him to hone in on the importance of spending time with family, not blowing obscene amounts of money on gifts.

There's my soap box for the day.

On the upside, I have the gift for my grandpa's house (we play Dirty Santa), Archer's, Chance's, and our families. So, even though I gave in to the norm and spent money my heart just wasn't in, I only have two more things to buy! lol

Friends

You know those people you can really let it all hang out and be the real you around. My best friend is the kind of person that I can tell anything to. We have mutual friends, and it's not a big deal.

I have this other friend, who I love. She is literally like sunshine. the problem with that is, everyone loves her. She has more friends than I even know of people. This is the girl I have previously referred to as Alice Cullen.

I was invited to a surprise birthday party for her by her best friend from HS. She knows something is going on, not sure what exactly, but she knows of something, and begged that I come. We haven't seen each other in a few months. I would love to see her, but I'm just not sure if I fit in with the rest of her friends. We do have mutual friends, and I have met most of the ones I'm not friends with, I just am not interested in being at a dinner with a bunch of people I feel are going to stare at me, KWIM?

Hopefully, it won't be like what I am dreading. Plus my BFF is going with me for moral support!! : )

Bombs, wars, and nuclear hystera.

I'm sitting here at work, listening to bombs blasting in the distance. It's disconcerting, even knowing that it's only for training; that the sounds won't be coming any closer. I can hear the blasting sounds from my house, 50 miles away, but working in a military town, just 5 miles from a military base has allowed me to ponder some things.

Can you imagine not knowing whether or not that sound was ebbing closer to you after a night of raids? Can you imagine being in an active war zone, where you can't even guess if you'll have a home, family or even be alive yourself from day to day?

I've been really trying to plan some weekends with family in the up coming months; trying to see everyone who won't be able to make it for the Holidays. Can you imagine not knowing if your tomorrow brings life, more or less a trip out to eat with relatives? Can you imagine not even knowing if your relatives are alive, because they might live near where the blasting sounds are coming from?

Isn't that a frightening thought? We consider the unknown bad when we might be a little short on bill money. There are people this very second, and their unknown is, will I survive the day.

I can remember after 9/11 having to read Alas Babylon. What a traumatizing thing for a teacher to do. The entire country is on the brink of mass hysteria, and she forces us to read a book detailing a nuclear war, and the fall out that ensues. Don't get me wrong, I loved the book. Read it multiple times actually, but the human psyche has ways of undermining the fragile, emotional human on the outside. I used to be so afraid everytime I heard that blasting sound. I would actually think we were being attacked. I used to see the bright amber glow of the moon, and squeeze my eyes shut in fear that it was a mushroom cloud. (I kid you not, I'm a fearful person.)

Now I can see that those fears were borderline irrational. But still, a person who has a rampant imagination can really create some awful situations in their own head. Mild hysteria can bring out things in people you just wouldn't imagine.

So while my fear is gone, I still wince a little with each boom. I still have scenarios play out in my mind as to how I will get home when/if I survive the attack that will surely come one day to one of the nation's largest Army bases.

Excuse me while I got build my fallout shelter. I think I'll just stay there, come getme when it's over.

Were you scammed?

Saw a newsflash today that Disney is refunding money on Baby Einstein videos. Turns out that they will not turn your child into a genius afterall. It's the Great Baby Einstein Scam!!

------What?

When I bought Baby Einstein, my goal was not to make my child a genius. I know that a DVD doesn't have the power to make my child a baby genius at six months. Hello?! I bought Baby Einstein as a way to, uh, let's say complete household chores while my normally clingy, whining child swings quietly and contentedly.

Don't get me wrong, TV is not the answer to a baby sitter. But 15 minutes of something colorful and possibly entertaining to his undeveloped cognitive system is ok with me.

Also included in the news bulletin was a note from the academy of something medical saying that children under the age of two should not be allowed to watch TV, it shortens their attention span. I literally laughed aloud about this, thinking, I watched TV as a tiny child. My attention span is fantastic. And then a little advertisement of a ghost costume caught my attention midsentence! :) But it's not because of TV, it's the fact that I'm finding anyway possible to avoid waking up, being an adult and working this morning.

So, anyway, my point is, and I'm sorry if you were one of them, and offend you, but how were people duped into believing something so silly as a DVD will really make your child smarter. The world isn't that easy folks. Baby Einstein isn't going to make your child a super genius, and a little Spongebob every now and then is going to make them less genius-like.

How smart your child is/will ever be is based on their genes, their cognitive potential, and the support and guidance they get from those leading their education; be that you as the parent, me as the teacher, or anyone else that they are learning significant amounts of information from.

And sorry, but that's just not a DVD.

What a way to turn around!!

(A blog post from me in the middle of the week? What? I had to get the turn crank out to start up my computer just to post this!! : )

On my way to work, I felt like a greedy 5 year old who just had to be the fastest racer on the playground. I was just in such a hurry, for no reason. I made it to work early. I guess a sense of urgency is better than that loser who drives 45 in a 65, but I just hate feeling all tight and anxious about needing to pass those cars because they are only going 60. I don't really need to go 75, but for some reason, it really does make me feel better!! Kind of.

But anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I saw a student today who just really turned my day around.

Without giving any information about him, he is just a really sweet kid who has the kind of smile you have to mirror. I mean really, every time he smiled I had to smile back (even though I know my smile is not nearly as awesome as his is, not being self deprecating, he just has one of those million dollar smiles that belong on McDonald's commercials or happy TV in any form).

I left my office feeling a little lighter, and even dare I say, happier. I have been so blah all week, this is just the perfect way to turn it around for the weekend!!

Do they make medication for procrastinators?

It's an awful disease, it really is. I have a paper due in 4 hours that I haven't started!! : ( I just can't make myself do the work.

Other than school, I procrastinate everything. Work, school, chores, everything. If I can put off getting gas until the next day, I will. Even if that means I'm running desperately on fumes.

While I do tend to work better under pressure, I typically generate a pressure cooker that's either going to explode or put out phenomenal results.

Man it really makes you thankful.

Ever just sit around and watch SuperNanny feeling super about your own family? I love how they sort of portray these terrible children, yet 99.9% of the time the parents are the issue.

It's like the Dog Whisperer, the "who" needing fixed is the adults who are in charge (or not in charge).

DSS: Southern Living

I seem to constantly have this internal feud with myself over who I want to be.

I've always felt as though I'm a little too open minded and liberal in my thinking to be from a small southern place like Oklahoma. I think all the time that I just don't really fit in with some of the thoughts and actions of those around me.

However, I do have very thick southern ideals. I think there are just some things you don't say to or in front of women, that it's rude. I've had someone say this was sexist in thinking, but really I don't think it is. I think women should conduct themselves in certain ways as well. Do I think that we are bound behind a stove and vacuum? No, I just think there are much clearer gender lines in the south.

I also think children of the south are expected to act a certain way that is different of that up north. We say "Yes sir" and "Yes ma'am" with no qualms and know that someday we will be sir and ma'am.

This is the same dichotomy that keeps me from deciding where I want to live. I would love to buy an old farm house and fix it up, but the thought of living in the country with no close access to a walmart, or even a small town grocer is beneath my city living standards.

Growing up on a farm with no other children my age really spurred my imagination and I really think Archer would benefit from that. However, you just can't find a great farm in our budget that is close to anything relatively convienient.

I guess for now I'll just stay here and battle with myself some more!

One benefit of working

I ordered some clothes to wear to work. Even when I worked before I never spent a ton of money on clothes for work, because I would never be able to wear them anywhere else. I spent $200 on things specifically for work, but they are things that I can wear anywhere. Before, we could only wear black, white, or khaki. While I love the crisp, dressiness of it while shopping, it sucked having to only be able to wear those colors.

Chance has been teasing me, calling my clothes mommy clothes. But I guess there really isn't anything wrong with that anymore is there?

Sick

I have been feeling unwell since last Friday. I sent Chance out to get me some juice hoping the vitamin c would kick start my immune system. Did not, fyi.

Yesterday when I left work, I had a temp of 100; when I got home it was 101. I woke up at 145 with a temp of 103.5. I had forgotten to take nyquil. My eyeballs were burning. I was up until three.

Chance is on his way to get a new vehicle, and had to get up at 8; but when I woke up then, I had no fever and still don't. So, here's hoping I'm over whatever this is.

What a nice, crisp day in October!

I woke up this morning to an extremely cool house. This is October weather to the core.

I got up bright and early (with some help from the monster formerly known as Archer) and got dressed. I bundled him up and left him with his daddy so I could go get some donuts. We never eat donuts. But today it just sounded great.

Later today, I have to go to my neices birthday party, and then tonight is game night.

Thankfully I'll have a little time to myself for a while. : )