Thursday, March 18, 2010

Parenting is just hard.

I've been looking at my parenting skills recently, and honestly, I'm a little worried.

I'm sure this sounds awful, but archer is starting to tell me when he needs to poop or instantly after he brings me a diaper; and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I thought we would be dealing with potty training next summer, I'm scared to death he's gonna want to do it this summer.

We have a tendency to make parental decisions based on what is easy, as well as good. Does that make sense?

For example, he still sleeps with us. And I'm actually ok with that. We don't drink when he's home, I don't drink hardly ever. But, I'm not worried about that danger. I just know he's not going to be a baby forever, and I really enjoy that time to snuggle and love on him. He usually starts out in his bed, and either wakes up after a few hours, or I get him after mommy/daddy time.

I know that's kind of the easy way out because he should learn how to sleep on his own in his own bed, but honestly, I don't care.

I thought maybe I could buy him a fun big boy bed and we would both be ok with it, but really neither of us wants him an entire room away.

I have these awful moments where I wake up and smell something I'll think is smoke and have a mini panic attack until I stop and breathe fresh air for several minutes. BUT what if there was a fire and he was a room away? Would we be able to get to him?? And what if he was in his bed and some one stole him. There are 4 windows in his room. We have no fence in the back, so he is just so exposed.

There are so many scary things that could happen to him when he's alone in his own room. I know many of my fears are irrational, and probably coping mechs for me wanting him to sleep with us forever. Our bed is big enough for a 19 year old, right??

He also wants milk before bed. He hasn't had a bottle since he was 10.5 months because he was sick and refused it. But he cries for milk before bed, and sometimes at night too.

How do I break that habit? (And still get any amount of sleep?)

Why did he come with a personalized manual, something to yell me what he likes and needs? I would have read it the first day!

I think my biggest issue, is that I'm so much more relaxed than I used to be. If I would have gotten pregnant 5 years ago, I would have felt the need to follow every book and every rule.

I had a control compulsion. Now, I'm so laid back you would think he was my third child and not my first. I don't mean he gets whatever he wants whenever, but I know he's going to fall and get hurt; and get sick and cry.

I know kool-aid isn't the best drink, but if he wants it over water, then I'm gonna cave. If he wants to color on paper, and it gets on the floor, or table, or couch, I'll make him stop but I'll move on.

If he wants to drag every shoe I own out of my closet and it makes him happy, who cares? People say he needs to learn self control, but seriously, it's shoes, and it's fun. So why spend an hour putting them away when he's gonna do it again?

I don't let him do a lot of dangerous things, but I will let him fall off the couch if he's being to silly. Hopefully he will remember not to to it again. If not, then eventually he will.

We don't shy away from other peoples pets, if I know they are safe because I don't want him to think he should be afraid of my bff's German sheperd.

He's a dare devil, and I probably could prevent some bumps and bruises, but I don't because that's life.

Does that make me an awful parent? I really hope not, because I don't know how to be otherwise.

Now, before I go, please let me say: I don't advocate him being mean or hitting. He does go to time out, and if he's doing something really bad or really dangerous, I'm not against swatting him. (I know, I know) If he hits, or swings at someone else, he is instantly moved away and told that's not nice.

So, please don't judge me. I laid it all out there, and it was actually a little therapuetic.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Devin said...

I'm having a hard time thinking about Roree being in her own room when we move to our new house. I like just having to look over and see for myself that she's ok ... but I also know that Mommy and Daddy need a little more time to be "Husband" and "Wife" instead of always "Mommy" and "Daddy", and I really think Roree will sleep better if she doesn't get woken up when Caleb gets up to go to work in the morning.

I also let her do things that won't really hurt her, but will teach her that if she does that she'll get hurt. Like if she tries to go down the stairs like a big kid does (not turning around and crawling backwards down them) I'll stand in front of her and let her do one step like a big girl and when she falls down I'll pick her and and tell her "see, you need to get bigger to go downstairs that way".

Potty training I have mixed emotions with as well. I feel like she won't really be potty trained until she can pull down her own pants to get on the potty. Before then I might be trained to run her to the potty when she needs it or asks for it ... but why would I draw out the process forever when I can wait until she's really ready and have it take a couple of weeks? I don't want to spend several months potty training, I want it to be relatively quick and pain-free.

I think you're a typical mom who has molded her style to her child's personality. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Rikki said...

Sally, you and I parent in almost the exact same way! So I'm not going to say anything bad. If Brinley wants to play in the pantry and pull all the pots and pans out, whatever. She's not in danger and she is having fun. I don't mind it a bit. Childhood is for making memories and you know what I'd rather make memories with my daughter than worry about how clean my house is!

I am also petrified of putting Brinley in her own room for the exact reason you mentioned.(Warning graphic story ahead!):

A few years there was a little down the road, she was about 8 years old. A man knocked on her window told her he was a fireman and her house was on fire and the rest of her family was outside. She climbed out the window to him, took her behind a shed in her neighborhood and raped her. That has stuck in my mind so much it is unreal. It borders on a phobia for me. Brinley has never spent 1 day in her room in our house now, but when we move we are going to make the change. I've been hunting for window alarms(we can't install a complete alarm system) so hopefully I can relax and we also bought a baby monitor that has a camera so I can see and hear her.

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