Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Is that bad? The things we do (or not) for Our Children

In my previous post about the Brown family, a commenter noted that they had really negatively affected the children by moving to Nevada. (Something that was necessary as they were being investigated in their home state of Utah for polygamy.) My first thought was, do we not all do things that negatively affect our children? Doesn't everything we do either have a positive or a negative outcome, but sometimes you just have to do it anyway?

Well, they don't have to live that lifestyle you could say. True enough. But many of us, by the end of the day skimp out on things that would be more beneficial for our children because we just can't do any more than we're currently doing. There are times when I say, "No book tonight. I'm wiped out." My little guy looks at me with these heartbroken eyes and pouts off to bed. Maybe he needed me to read that book. Maybe he was on a developmental jumping point and I didn't follow through. That's a risk I'm willing to take, because as humans we are selfish creatures. 

I'll even admit to something really bad. My child is currently going to a home daycare with no educational aspects involved simply because it's cheaper (by a long shot) than a school based daycare and because of the other people involved. That's horrible. I know. But when we started I wanted him in a daycare where he would be nurtured and loved, like I would have done had I been able to stay home longer. Now, I'm to a point where I don't want to pay more money to send him to the other daycare, I don't want for our babysitter to have less income because of me, I don't want to take him away from his friends; it's just too complicated at this point. I try and tell myself he will go to school (if he's like me) for the rest of his life, this is his break. I really don't believe that. But because I'm selfish about my money and I care for our babysitter and he has these great relationships with kids his age that I'm choosing to do something that may have an adverse affect on my kid years down the road. We all make decisions that may be the wrong ones, that may be bad, but (I'm going to guess) everyday we do these things that may not be the right thing, and I am choosing not to judge anyone else, because I definitely don't want them judging me.

Really though, my point is no matter the bad decisions we make that affect our lives, or the lives of our children, we are all doing the best we can. Even people who aren't very good parents, who make horrible decisions, who are so selfish that they are truly hurting their children with each mistake they make are doing the best they can. Does that mean maybe we need to learn how to cope a little better? Yes. Should we, as parents, stop being so egocentric and consider our children when we make decisions? Yes. But that doesn't mean that every decision be based on what's best for our children. Sometimes we do have to make decisions that are best for us and try our hardest to make sure that our children come out with something good.

(To the commenter mentioned in the first paragraph, I truly appreciated your comment, it as it gave me an entirely new perspective that I hadn't considered. Please don't think this a response to your direct comment, but a general idea that was sparked after reading your words. Something I always enjoy. The best part about blogging is knowing that our own ideas aren't always perfect and other people always see things in different ways. New perspectives are always learning experiences.)

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