Friday, July 17, 2009

Being Adventurous or Being Selfish?

So, as some of you may or may not know, I live in Oklahoma. Never once in my life have I felt like I should be from here. Both of my parents were born here, and then subsequently grew up in other places.

My dad was born in the tiny town of which I graduate high school. He lived there for 3 years. It was at that point that his mother scandalized her marriage by having an affair and getting pregnant. Her son, named after my dad's uncle and my dad's grandpa, turned out to be another mans baby. At this point, she took 2 of her 3 sons and moved to California with said other man. My dad was then adopted by this man, because his birth father didn't believe that he was actually his son.

He stayed there in Ca, part time raising his 3 brothers while his mom was working and doing other things. There is this heartbreaking story that she was gone for days. My dad was 8 or so, his brothers were 5, 4, and baby. He took care of them without her for 3 days before going next door. He stayed there until they ran out of food. They ate crackers and nothing because she told my dad not to tell anyone.

Anyway, past the angst. After flunking like 7th grade or something, he came back to OK to live with his birth father. (I asked him recently why he failed because he is extremely smart, he said because the bus routes were super long even then and he got tired of having to get up 2 hours early to get to school on time. I'm sure it had something to do with alcohol, drugs and girls too, but he didn't admit to all of that.) The man who adopted him was long since gone, and he was sent to OK to grow up.

My mom was born in the town I currently live in, just 20 mins away from where my dad was born. My grandparents were married in March 1959 when my grandma was 16, (she turned 17 the next day) in the house I live in. They had my mom 10 months and two weeks later. My two aunts were born the two consecutive years.

When my mom was 6 or 7 my Nanny was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. My Poppy wanting the best care available for her, moved his family to Boulder, CO. (My Nanny always said it was because he didn't want her daddy interfering.) My mom and her sisters came to OK every summer and stayed here at the house I live in with my Nanny's parents or at my Poppy's mom's house about 45 minutes away from here. They suffered many trials while there, including my grandpa being diagnosed with MS and returned in 1973-ish.

So, both of my parents grew up in big cities, far away from Oklahoma. And, here I am stuck. My dad even spent many years working in CA, well Blythe which is more Mexico/Arizona than CA, but my mom said they talked about moving to Northern CA when I was young. My dad was pretty young, wild, and irresponsible for a large part of his life, so I understand her not doing it then.

Back to me. I just want to experience something new. I know what it's like in Oklahoma, and I want to know what it's like somewhere else. I don't want to tell boring stories to my grandchildren about how I never did anything else but live in the town I grew up in. Not that it's a horrible thing to do that, I just don't want it for my life, for my family.

The house we live in is free. We took ownership of it as it was just rotting away after my great grandparents died. We would be super well off if we sold it, but I'm not sure that I have the heart to, nor would my family be super happy about it. My mom gets sentimental about it as it is.

I don't really have a solid reason for choosing the area, TN/VA/NC, I just like the scenery, the weather, and the proximity of the beach. I'm not the kind of person who would just go spend the day working on my tan or marveling over the blue ocean water. I just love the steady rhythm and playing in the sand.

Chance said a few nights ago that we would seriously talk about it when Archer was 3 and that he wouldn't move before Archer was 5. Hopefully I can move that up a year or so, but not much more. And, I don't want to live there my entire life. I'm ok with coming back if we hate it, I just want to try it out, see how it fits.

Well, that's it. There are deep dark family secrets out there for the world to see. I'm feeling sort of melancholic now.

0 comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...