Wednesday, June 1, 2011

just say no

Am I a horrible parent? I frequently ponder this. I'm probably not a good wife either.

I frequently feel that my attempts at solitude negatively affect those around me. During the school year, I work, commute, and have class a few nights a week, and possibly a weekend or two. When I get home, I just want ten minutes of silence to relax. Rest my weary mind. But when you're married, balancing a home a home life, marriage and toddler, that's just not an option. I feel guilty for wanting to mindlessly sit in front of the computer or tv, read a book, or take a hot bath. I know that my demands are no more great than anyone else's, so I don't even like talking about it. But really, it's just really stressful sometimes.

I don't down a stay at home mom, I was one. But sometimes, I get so fed up with hearing about how difficult it is to deal with every thing that involves being a stay at home mom, when I'm dealing with all of that too, plus a full time job, two hour commute round trip, and 9 hours a week of graduate classes. In addition to the classes, I have papers to write and a steady flow of homework that never seems to end. I still cook dinner for my family, do laundry, dishes, and all of the other mundane daily life aspects, just in less time. I cannot imagine being a single parent or having less support from my family than I do.

My mommy guilt kicks in full swing, when like today, I get home from class and my kid wants to play, and all I want to do is be alone long enough to compose a coherent thought. I feel guilty at sending my kid to his room to watch tv just so I can write a blog. But honestly, I need a place to vent. Someone to understand, and just tell me I'm not really a bad parent.

If you made it this far, I didn't piss you off, and you still care, thanks. It's much appreciated.

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