Friday, May 13, 2011

Facebook, you homewrecker!

My local news station is doing a piece on how facebook ruins marriages. There are divorce attorneys coming on using statistics like social network sites are involved in 50% of divorces.

It’s not really the story that bothers me, but the message it sends. Facebook is an incredible place to catch up with people you haven’t talked to in a long time, or leave a short note for your mom telling her you love her. It’s a place to share photos of your children with family members who live far away. It’s also a place that people are catching up with high school sweethearts, college lovers, and that person in the workplace you once had great chemistry with. Is that a bad thing? Possibly, if you’re married or in a committed relationship. Is facebook to blame? No. They don’t force you to message that person you know you shouldn’t. They don’t force you to then meet up with them or pursue any kind of relationship, emotional or physical.

One thing I've heard of a ton of couples doing is creating a couples facebook page. One pastor is even suggesting his congregation do this. Can I just say, I have no issue with that. If you want a couples page, that's fine. But please, don't think for a second that if you have a spouse who would use facebook to cheat won't find some other way to cheat. Don't think they won't (ps, I know that's a double negative, but I like how it sounds) create a page and keep it a secret.

This is a bit of a soapbox issue for me, but honestly, it’s not acceptable to blame someone/something for your personal decisions. If your relationship is causing you to seek out someone else, talk to your significant other about it, not someone else. Seek counseling, not another person. I think our current society, one in which the most pleasurable thing that you can get the quickest, we go after those quick fixes that make us feel good. I wish that we, as a race of humans, instead weren’t so proud to ask for help when we need it, for ourselves and our relationships.

I have, fortunately, never personally been in a situation of infidelity, but I mostly just hate hearing people blame a social networking site or other third party cause for something so complex as a marriage. There are so many other factors involved that you cannot put it off on something so simple as facebook.

I found this very insightful article when searching “Facebook Ruined My Marriage” (which is what the local news article searches for info on their article). It has basically the same tone as this blog, except with a first hand account from a woman who actually cheated on her husband of 20 years after reuniting with her long lost high school sweetheart. Thought I would share for anyone interested.

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Amy said...

I agree with you. No one ever forces you to cheat. Me and Rob both have ex's on our facebooks whom we only say an occasional hello to or comment or like a status. There is no desire there for more, we both have each other's passwords and often leave our facebooks out and open. It all depends on the person. If you aren't happy in your marriage YOU will find any way to ruin it, to find someone else. Can FB facilitate that? Sure. But YOU'RE the one typing up that message, taking that next step.

Sally @ A Blessed Existence said...

Exactly. And the big thing for me is, if you're feeling excited about that message or wondering what if, Don't do it.

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