Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What does perfection lead to? Self Control I hope.

Came across this on facebook today, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's incredibly well written, and a very moving piece that I'm sure will garner much acclaim. Well deserved acclaim. And I don't intend to sound insensitive to anyone out there reading it and agreeing whole-heartedly, but, to be blunt: I didn't.

Some of the situations mentioned are dead on. It's false perfection to lie about how amazing your husband is when he's really not. It's verbal abuse when he calls you a whore for smiling at a stranger. I'm not saying the calling of one name is verbal abuse, but I know people like that, and it doesn't stop there. Ever. It doesn't stop at verbal abuse, usually. I'm also going to take a leap that the same husband doing this transgression is the same one telling his kids he wished they were never born. Because this:

""Perfection" is a dad hating himself because he can't give the same thing to his kids that other dads do, and then hates himself further because he takes his self-loathing out on his kids behind closed doors. You know what would have been nice? If you were never born. Do you realize how much money I'd have right now? Now come give Daddy a hug because I can force you to give me validation." (Single Dad Laughing)

to me, is also verbal abuse.

Again, some of these are dead on. Someone does need to tell that pregnant unwed girl that it will all be ok. That not everything is so big that it can't be fixed. She most definitely needs a shoulder to cry on.

But that verbally abusive husband, wife, mother, father, they need counseling. They don't need coddled and told it's OK to not need to be perfect. There comes a point in time when you have to realize the level of stress you are under and how it is affecting those around you. If you, the reader of this blog, are currently telling your children you wish they had never been born, please stop. It's not ok. If you're calling your wife derogatory names for being friendly in public, stop. If you're running your husband into the ground because it makes you feel better about yourself, stop. Those things aren't ok, and they are affecting your relationships. They are affecting the people around you. The things you are saying are being soaked up by those you are saying them to and the others around who can hear. You are teaching your sons and daughters how to act, and it's not ok for them to treat others that way.

This is a bit of a soapbox of mine, but if you are a wife/girlfriend or husband/boyfriend, whatever of a man/woman who treats you like dirt, DO NOT stand for it. Tell them you want to see a counselor or you're leaving. Those behaviors will be taught to your children. Do you want your son to treat his wife that way? Or your daughter to treat her husband that way? I don't.

Again, not saying that SDL is wrong in anyway, but that a clarification needs to be made. I, personally, will not put my arm around an adult treating another human/animal you name it, badly for their own personal validation to tell them it's ok to be imperfect. These people need to be told it's not OK to act that way, and it's ok to feel imperfect. Actually, I'm going to change that statement. They need to be empowered to learn that it's not OK to act that way and it's ok to BE imperfect.

Have you ever noticed my categories? The majority are marked Blissful Life and Real Life. There's a reason for this. Even though my existence is pretty blessed, it's not always perfect. There is real life thrown in.

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Nobodys Nothings said...

i've seen his blog before, and while i know it's very popular, i just could never get into it. i agree with you.

Amy said...

I agree whole heartedly with you. Me and Rob do NOT ever call each other names. Even in anger the worst thing I've said is "you're being an ass" and he has NEVER called me a foul name, or any kind of derogatory name. In our almost 3 years together he's raised his voice to me once because I was pregnant and hormonal laying into him while he was driving. And I was so shocked we both just started laughing.

But I have friends whose husband will sit there and call them a bitch, call them a whore. Tell a working mom who is in school she isn't doing anything and doesn't love her daughter because she isn't spending enough time with her while he sits on his ass all day at home. It is NOT ok and if they don't want to work on it, DON'T stay!! No one should EVER be treated like that.

Sally @ A Blessed Existence said...

I'm glad to have agree-ers. : )

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