Friday, April 30, 2010

How honest?

How honest will you be? Imagine this: Little Pat (like my gender neutral choice) comes in at age 14 and says, "Mom, did you ever smoke marijuana?" or "Dad, how old were you the first time you had sex?"

How will you answer those hard questions? It isn't just limited to those things, underage drinking, drinking and driving, other drug abuse/use, adolescent violence. What will you say to your Pat when those tough things come up?

And by tough, I don't mean the internationally dreaded, Where do babies come from. I mean about your personal history, your infidelities.

Personally, there are one or two things on my list I'm not proud of. Things I really don't want to be honest about, but personally, I think I will.

I knew so much about my parents, they were open books about their own dirty secrets, but we never got around to talking about what I should do, so that's something I plan to fix in my future.

But honestly, I knew my parents smoked pot. It was a little obvious, it was the 70's, they would have been minorities not to have. But it was open, common knowledge. They weren't ashamed. They told us they did it, and we didn't. Neither my sister, nor I ever smoked weed, ever.

My sister drank a lot, but I never got drunk in HS. I was a sophomore in college the first and only time I was ever drunk. We drank vodka shots, vodka and code orange Mnt Dew, and when we ran out of pop we poured the last of the jug of vodka into a gallon jug of orange juice and had screw drivers. I still remember the awful hangover I had.

And while I don't have as many secrets to share with Archer, Chance does. He will have to be open and honest in the hopes that his awful adolescent choices can serve as a what not to do for his son.

I honestly think it worked for me. My dad was an alcoholic until I was 13, and I know that was part of my decision to not be wasted every weekend of high school like my peers. (I also think genetics play a role. I just don't like alcohol and instantly get sharp, stabby pains when I drink anything. Especially beer, everytime I burp I have to hold back vomit. My body is just intolerant.)

Chance doesn't like to take advil, because both his parents, and both adult siblings are addicted to prescription narcotics. His aunt, whose husband is a pharmacist is also addicted. He uses the knowledge about his parents to see a potential weakness and avoid it. (While possibly going a little far.)

So, the follow up question is, will you be honest when Pat comes in and asks what you did as a teen/early adult? Will you share your past in hopes of them learning from your mistakes?

I love answers, and discussions. Feel free.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Rikki said...

I will be honest with Brinley about those things. I smoked weed one time in high school and had the worst experience of my life. I think it may have been laced with something else because I was freaking out. Time was by very slowly and I felt like I was coming in and out of reality. I don't like not being in control of my body, that's also why I don't drink. I am ashamed that I did that and I hope to teach Brinley not to. I am NOT ashamed to tell her how old I was when I had sex, I was 18 and it was with Bryan. We are each others first and I have no problems sharing that with her. I'm quite proud of it to be honest.

Rikki said...

And those are the only "secrets" I have anyway. I was(and am) a pretty boring person, lol.

Sally said...

Haha, me too Rikki. It's the Baptist in us I think. lol

Kristen said...

Ouch...I don't know! I've never smoked a cigarette or experimented with any kind of drug. I did do my share of drinking but never excessively. I don't know, though, that I'll share with my children that I had that first drink as an 8th grader. I don't drink now and some of that stems from the fact that my mother was/is an alcoholic and I know that genetically I am prone (although I don't think I have an addictive bone in my body!). My big "secret" would be about my first sexual experiences. I know for certain I won't be completely honest about that. I was young - just short of turning 14 - when I became sexually active. Like I said, I won't be completely honest but I won't try to come across as a saint, either.

Nobody said...

my mistakes were pretty average. because of that, i'll be able to be honest with my children without too much of a problem... i can honestly tell them that i first had sex at 17, and why it was such a mistake for me. i can honestly tell them that i smoked weed the summer before and the year of my first year in college and why it was such a mistake. i can tell them that i drank in highschool, but i can also tell them why it was such a mistake, because one of my friends who drank with us is already dead due to kidney failure, leaving 2 children behind. i can tell them about an acquaintance of mine who died of alcohol poisoning at a college party. i can tell them about all our relatives who are alcoholics, and the one who can't have kids because of an STD she contracted when she was younger. i can honestly tell them about all mistakes.... and why they were mistakes, and how i hope they will be able to make better decisions than i did. at least, that's the plan. i also have a be honest, but if they don't ask, i won't tell policy. i'm hoping they don't probe too deeply into my past.

Laura said...

I was a bit of a wild child and will likely fill Jenna in when it is appropriate but not just for shock value - KWIM? I did smoke, smoke weed, drank too much, etc. In college, I was a little "more free" than I like to admit. BUT it was all a learning experience and even though it was a bit crazy it was never out of my control if that makes sense. This parenting stuff is hard LOL

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