I work with kids with communications problems, and this is one of the things you would work on for someone on the PDD scale. I learned yesterday that the cause for the lack of empathy in students on the PDD scale is the lack of mirror neurons in their brain. Mirror neurons are a new development in the world of science, and have been declared by one scientist as revolutionary science. They are just at the tip of the iceberg with it. I digress.
Anyway, there are many instances where I read and re-read emails and posts before I say them to be sure that they aren't conveying any messages I don't intend. And, I know for a fact that it's happened anyway; a friend on facebook was all up in arms and got so upset at me that he unfriended me over a message that he took to mean something that it didn't. I do however think that it was a lot more him, and a lot less me in the miscommunication.
I also see others who post things, and wonder if they have any idea how crass, tacky, or snotty their messages sound. I have to wonder if it's not their personality (all knowing, un-sympathetic, etc) that makes their posts this way; or if it is just a difference in communication style and the lack of kinesics that create the barrier between these posts and my brain. Either way, it's sometimes disconcerting.
2 comments:
i know exactly what you're saying! conveying our thoughts in words is a tricky dance... i often find myself deleting posts either in my blog or FB because i didn't want it misinterpreted. i have a very dark, sarcastic sense of humor and other people who don't lean towards my way of thinking sometimes are shocked, offended, or hurt by what i say.
sadly, i also find myself better able to voice my opinion and feelings much better in writing. i think it's because i have the ability to re-read and take my time in getting the words perfect that makes it easier for me than talking. also, i don't have speech anxiety (like test anxiety, only when i'm talking to someone...) when i'm online.
i've found that when it comes to friendships online, it's probably best to offend someone unintentionally every now then... it helps weed out the people who don't think like you, or can't open their minds enough to embrace another opinion, or at least ask before getting pissed. kwim?
I totally agree, about unintentionally stepping on toes. It does draw more lines as to who can, can't, and don't care to take you as you are.
I am an extremely verbal communicator, and have no anxiety or inhibition about it, but do feel like I can be just as much myself with online friends as I can with my real life friends. I usually always have something to say, or ask. I'm the queen of open-ended questions. That could just be because I'm nosy or could be condtioning from my BBW days in which we had to ask customers at least 3 open ended questions a day.
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