Busy Life

My life has been fairly busy lately. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. It either creates more chaos in life, or shows that my life is full.

I spent the first part of the week working on a several page essay/case study take home test. It was a killer. Wednesday, I also had class and forgot my computer so I had to actually take notes. *gasp*

Thursday, we made plans with one of my best friends who has a little girl close to Archer's age to go to the zoo. Then, we found out the zoo closed early. So we made plans to go to a pumpkin patch. But I couldn't get off work soon enough. So, then we decided to go see Santa who was visiting a shopping center. BUT, as all things crazy go, we missed him too. Either way, we had a great time just eating out for dinner and letting the kids play. They actually played and got along really well. And they LOVE to kiss.

Saturday was trick or treat day locally, so we went with family around my home town. Lots of fun. I wish we had that super small town feel here, but we don't. I'm still hoping someday we find that town that has feeling, but also has the amenities of a bigger town. Someday...

Anyway. That's my crazy busy week. Hopefully I'll be back to my regular bloggy self this week.

Happy Birthday To ME!!

Whatever happened to the days when your mom made a huge chocolate cake with candles for your birthday? I'm not even concerned about presents (that much), but this is very possibly the most uneventful birthday I've ever had. Top three, anyway.

It's just been another day. Which totally ruins my dream.

Here was my dream.

I wanted Chance to order a cake from the local bakery. How did that turn out? He ordered it from an online bakery, spent waaay too much money, and got a teeny little six inch cake.

I wanted my best friend to come down on Saturday and celebrate with me. I didn't want to go out and party or do anything that's not genuinely me. But she flaked at the last minute. So Chance, Archer and I had a quaint day at home. Which, would be great, except I wanted my birthday to be notable and fun.

I wanted something special for my day today. Instead, I had a nice quiet day at my grandpa's house, followed by cooking most of my birthday dinner (because Chance wasn't sure what to do) and making my own dessert.

It's not like I care that much. I just wanted my 25th birthday to be something other than just another day.

Communication Style

Have you ever noticed that some of the things you type into dialog boxes online just don't translate correctly? That's because so much of human communication depends on kinesics or non-verbal communication like gestures and facial expressions.

I work with kids with communications problems, and this is one of the things you would work on for someone on the PDD scale. I learned yesterday that the cause for the lack of empathy in students on the PDD scale is the lack of mirror neurons in their brain. Mirror neurons are a new development in the world of science, and have been declared by one scientist as revolutionary science. They are just at the tip of the iceberg with it. I digress.

Anyway, there are many instances where I read and re-read emails and posts before I say them to be sure that they aren't conveying any messages I don't intend. And, I know for a fact that it's happened anyway; a friend on facebook was all up in arms and got so upset at me that he unfriended me over a message that he took to mean something that it didn't. I do however think that it was a lot more him, and a lot less me in the miscommunication.

I also see others who post things, and wonder if they have any idea how crass, tacky, or snotty their messages sound. I have to wonder if it's not their personality (all knowing, un-sympathetic, etc) that makes their posts this way; or if it is just a difference in communication style and the lack of kinesics that create the barrier between these posts and my brain. Either way, it's sometimes disconcerting.

Oh Hail!

We had quite the hail storm the other night. Archer spent the evening in my lap with his hands over his eyes telling me how scared he was. I'm not sure if it's genetic environmental phobia or if we've done something to make it happen but my phobia/anxiety response to thunderstorms has apparently been passed down.





These hail stones left some big dents in my father's truck hood. My car has a few small dings, but nothing major. (Like Dimples over at Nobody's)

This is also nothing compared to the hail storm OKC had that knocked the windshields out if most cars that weren't under some cover this spring.

I hate storms.

Plan Your Own Funeral

My friend Nobody posted a blog about funerals earlier today. Usually I just answer her posts in a comment (like I want you readers to do) but today decided I needed to post my own blog about it. There is just too much to say on this topic.

First of all, upon my death, I wish to be cremated. I don't want my body to be viewed anywhere, not at the funeral home before, and not at the funeral. I have very strong religious feelings. I know that my earthly body is only the vessel for my heavenly body, and that when I die my spirit is with God and not in that old body here on Earth. Please don't look at this body and weep, remember my alive and well self, and think happy thoughts for where I am now.

Secondly, I would like a funeral. I want my family to gather and tell my son stories about my life; stories that he may or may not have already heard. I want him to see the impact I (hopefully) made on the lives of others. I don't want it to be a sad affair. I would like a prayer for my family to have strength, some uplifting music, a time for invitation so that others may find the glory of God that I will be reveling in, and a meal for my family after.

After my funeral, I want my family to gather around Chance and Archer and embrace them. They are going to need it.

So, there's the short version. What's your funeral?

How much control do you need?

Once upon a time, there was this girl. This girl was a complete control freak. She needed to be in charge of all things, thought her idea was the only way, and got upset when she didn't get her way. It was a bit much.

At some point in that girl's life, that need for control, need to be perfect, right and in charge constantly ebbed. It could be that the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that controls impulse) just wasn't fully developed and eventually it became that way. Maybe it was just that maturity took over, who knows. But that girl is no longer a control freak, and that girl is me.

Somewhere on my long personal journey, apparently I just lost that need for control. I know it happened at some point of time in college, when I learned a lot of things about life, the world, and myself.

Now I cringe when I see others desiring that much control over things in their lives that cannot be controlled. It's unimaginable for me to see others who are stressed so completely out (or just wigged out) about things that they can't change and that don't really matter.

I'm not talking about family illnesses or a thousand dollar car repair that you just can't pay for. Those things will cause stress no matter what, and even though you can't change them either, you just can't seem to help but stress, cry, breakdown whatever.

I'm talking about things that just don't matter. It doesn't matter if your house isn't spotless, there are more important things in the world than a bed being made. I don't care how much you don't like it, it will not cause the world to end unless you are actually diagnosed with OCD or another anxiety disorder.

This post isn't aimed at anyone in particular, even though Morgan probably thinks that bed making comment is about her. It's not, I promise.

This post is about myself, the things about myself I have realized, the things I have changed, and will never go back to. I just don't have enough time or energy to care anymore.

What about you? Have you made a realization about yourself that you've changed? Have you made the realization, and are unwilling to change? Or is there just something you would like to change, realization or not?

I hope you will reply if reading. I love hearing the perspectives of others.

Happy Birthday to the Hubby!

We kicked off the Birthday Month today with my wonderful husband's birthday. He turned 25 today also, we are 17 days apart. He's concerned about being old, but not nearly upset as I was/am/will be. Twenty Five!! Eek. We went out to eat (on an actual date) on Saturday while my little sister babysat. We both had great food at Johnny Carinos and we both had dessert. Last night we went to his favorite Mexican place after work, very spur of the moment.

Today on my way home from work I stopped in the grocery store and got some cheapie cakes and candles. I generally always make him a cake, but that's when I'm not working 40 hour weeks, driving 2 hours a day, and going to school 6 hours a week on top of that.

So, since I know you sneak and read my blog, Happy Birthday Babe. I love you. Hope you had a great day!

He thought it was his birthday and kept saying, "Mine?"

Poll: Birthday Cake

Birthday Post again!! In honor of my 25th Birthday, I have asked my amazing huband (whose Birthday is today actually) to order a professional cake for me. I told him to pick out the cake, and decide what decorations etc.

I love anything coconut. I also love German Chocolate. I'm a big chocolate and peppermint fan, so maybe cake people do things like that? I don't know, it's not up to me.

Poll Time:
What's your favorite cake? Flavors, layers, professional, home made, etc?

Fally Survey!

Borrowed from Nobody.

1. Do you like Starbucks? Are you a fan of their seasonal coffees?
I won't say I love Starbucks, as all coffee gives me awful heartburn and the trots. However, I do love their non-fat, no whip, white mocha with peppermint. I will get one once or twice a month, because one, I'm just not going to pay that much for cofffee when it makes me sick, and two it makes me sick.

2. How do you decorate and prepare for fall?
I generally don't decorate at all. As a matter of fact, there are still empty picture frames in my living room. I'm awful. However, this year, I bought some small pumpkins, and am going later this week to get some small hay bales to put in front of my porch.

3. What is your favorite fall clothing item and or accessory?
Cardigans. I LOVE cardis. I'm like a walking Old Navy ad in the fall.

4. What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid?
I don't remember many of my costumes, because once I was 6 or 7 I thought they were totally lame. But, when I was very little (2/3) I was a hobo and the pictures are very cute.

5. Do you like Halloween/horror movies? Do you have a favorite?
I love stupid silly scary movies, like Halloween and others with serial killers, etc. But don't like ones that are all about blood and gore, that's just boring.

6. What is your favorite fall activity?
Sitting outside watching Archer play in the cool air, going for walks, reading.

7. What is your favorite fall recipe?
Thanksgiving food!

8. What TV show are you most excited about this fall?
Grey's Anatomy

9. When do you start Christmas shopping?
Usually the first of December, but don't go over board or buy for tons of people. I'm grinchy.

10. What do you miss most about summer?
The green grass, maybe. I'm pretty spiteful of Summer.

12. What movie coming out soon are you most excited about??
Harry Potter!!

More Feminism, Role Models, and Why I Turned Out So Well

After researching and publishing my post on Disney Princesses last night, I got to thinking about other fictional role models that girls look up to, or wish to be.

One who gets a lot of flack in my mind is Bella Swan. This meek, insecure girl who has new clue about inner beauty and self worth is projecting her image to millions of girls (women and boys as well); and I'm just not sure it's the image I would want my teenage daughter receiving. If you haven't read the books, then you might not be getting the full picture of Bella, but even the books are a bit iffy with me.

Bella is having to essentially parent her mother, and deal with her strings of relationships, which in a polar opposite from my last post is reality. However, she is giving up too much of herself for the happiness of her mother, who should really just grow up and be a mother herself. In all her self-sacrificial glory, she moves to horrible, rainy Washington State (that she loathes) to live with her dad. While living with her dad, she does all of the housework and cooking, and again is taking care of her parent in a way that's just not kosher with me personally.

Then, her biggest failure of all comes when she meets a boy. Not just any boy, a boy who wants to literally suck the life out of her. Again, her self-sacrificial self does not see the warning signs, and is actually drawn to this boy, Edward (if you didn't know). Her self-preservation skills are terribly impaired, again, not the message I want sent to my (non-existent, hypothetical) daughter.

Throughout the four novels, Bella continually shows a lack of want to stay alive, quite the opposite in fact, she wants to become a undead, like Edward. She allows herself to be manipulated and controlled; and states in various ways that her life revolves around Edward and his love. Her life, which is in jeopardy many times, just ends when he's not around; and is at risk to whenever he is. It's a very slippery slope with those two. But honestly, what can you expect from a teenage couple whose ideals are based on late 19th and early 20th century values. She longs to be a Jane Austen character, and he could be one.

My next biggest issue with Bella, is that she's dying (no pun intended) to get married just so that she can have sex. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for a girl waiting until she's married to have sex, but let's not twist that notion into, getting married at 18 just to have sex. (I totally realize that she does love him, but again, many girls *think* they love boys, when they really don't.) Not to mention the fact that if she's the one chomping at the bit, and the boy is the one abstaining, that's not really teaching much of a lesson, because there aren't that many teenage boys on the boat for abstaining.

Then I was trying to come up with a fictional role model I would want my daughter looking up to. Possibly Rosalie, for all her fierceness, she has a pretty good head on her shoulders now that she's had nearly a century to learn from her human mistakes. Alice...no, I don't make enough money for my daughter to look up to Alice.

Which had me thinking of other supernatural fictional characters...How about Buffy? Her benefits include, ferocity, self-sufficient-ness, intelligence, and great work ethic. Her negatives include having sex in high school, with vampires. Guess you just can't win.

So, here I sit, having bashed a series that I've read multiple times. I read them through two or three times before I read a comical online commentary about how awful of a person Edward was. And then I went back and read it again. And then I saw the awfulness. He actually unhooked something in her car so that she couldn't leave. Makes me wish she would have just taken the police cruiser that Charlie offered. Does all of this mean I won't read the books anymore? No. Does it mean that I will ban them from my teenage daughters room? No, but I will follow it up with a feminist lesson in how girls and boys should work, and not how they do.

All of this stems from somewhere personal. When reading the books I knew exactly what that head over heels, first love felt like. I knew it well. I knew what it was like if it were the end of the world if you didn't get to see that boy. I was that girl, and it is NOT the life or the choices I would ever choose for my daughter. Not that I'll be making her choices, because that would be very anti-fem of me. However, I will tell her my story, and I will hope, pray, and probably cry and lose sleep hoping and crying that she will learn from my mistakes, and live her teenage years in a completely different way than I did.

How did I turn out so well? Maybe because I was an avid Buffy fan. Maybe because I knew how I wanted to be treated and wasn't putting up with any male chauvinist crap. Maybe it was simply because the boy I loved didn't feel the need to control me because I was so ridiculously in love with him.

On that note, here is an old blog I wrote while I was being very melancholic about love, and I do still think that some of those things stand, but maybe not all of them. Love is just a very difficult thing.

Blogger added search stats

I was always jealous of people who had their own domain, and their ability to see how people had found their blog, ie what search terms were used. Recently blogger added stats for blogs, including these search terms. Want to know what the top search term for this little blog was?

"tiny poop balls"

Yes, you read that right, tiny poop balls. I'm sure, in all my mothering glory, I have used that term, or one similar to it, but I still got a good laugh about it.

What's the craziest or most surprising term that's been used to find your blog?

Survey: Best Gift Ever

In the weeks leading up to my birthday, I am planning what to ask to get as gifts for my birthday. My question is, what's the best gift you've ever been given?

Twenty Five

I will be turning twenty five this year. I'm sure that doesn't seem like much, but to me it is. I've been worried about turning 25 for a few years now. It's a mile stone, it's a quarter of a century, it's a big deal to me. Twenty five. Really.

So instead of worrying and crying and blah blah about it, I've decided to put a positive spin on it. Throughout my twenty fifth year, I plan to blog about my life past, present and future in a more whole way than I ever have. I plan to do this via my blog, as a way to keep the memories in a place that I can access them later, AND so that I can keep this blog up more and develop it. I currently have eleven readers. I would like to at least double that.

I don't do New Year's Resolutions, but that's kind of the idea here. This is my 25th year resolution. I will blog regularly, about my life, and the goings on in my world. Hope you stick around to find out how it goes.

Personal Discovery

So after a conversation with some colleagues the other day, I realized something about myself that I never knew. Perhaps, it's the discovery itself.

I'm an extremely literal person. I see things exactly how they are and have to really work around something vague to get it. Everything I do and/or say is very straight forward. I really didn't know this about myself.

For example, my boss asked for us to send blank therapy logs. So I sent blank ones. Little did I know she meant with the student data on it, but not filled out. How would I, she said blank. A form we had to fill out last week asked for the month at the top. So I sent in one for each month, even though that meant sending several blank pages.

I'm so overly logical, so literal that it hinders my ability to communicate and function with others in certain situations.

Have you ever done that? Learned something about yourself that you just didn't ever know before, but that was glaringly obvious?