Good, no Great news!!

Did you know Ramadan started a few weeks back? Did you know that makes it super dangerous for soldiers and very scary for their families?

Last Sunday, my (ex)aunt got a call from another soldier's mother that my cousin was unaccounted for during/after a fire fight. She didn't tell us until she actually heard from him that he was OK, but it was super scary to think about it.

This Sunday, she got the call he was on his way home. We knew it was close, but didn't know when it would happen.

This was a cousin who was a close childhood friend, but our lives took us in different directions. Even with all the passed time, I thought, prayed, worried for him often.

He is back on US soil today and I am so very relieved.




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Thieves...

UGH. Today was my first day back to work after being off since May. My daily commute is 50 minutes. I woke up at 5:50, had Archer dropped off at daycare early. I drive to the gas station to get gas, and my billfold isn't in my car seat where I left it.

Hmm...I drive back home, check everywhere it should be. Then I realize my diaper bag also isn't in my car or in my house. I think maybe I just left it somewhere, and after a mini meltdown about not having my billfold, or a single dime to my name, I head to work.

I checked the balance on my credit card, and one debit card. No action. On my way to work, I check my other checking account. It didn't have any money in it, so I didn't think to check it before. There are 10 denied transactions. Apparently I hadn't left my billfold anywhere, it was stolen out of my car.

I feel so violated. I always lock my car, but Chance forgot to when he went to get our supper. I'm worried whoever it was is going to come back and break into my house. I'm worried they are going to hit my car again whenever I get a new billfold and new cards. I'm just sick with worry.

This makes me want to get a huge pit bull, not even a mean one, just one that would scare a person away just for walking past my fence.

I'm looking into some alarm systems and trying to justify the monthly cost and upkeep it would take. We don't live in a bad neighborhood, it's just a small town where there are punk kids all over. There are two apartment houses at either end of the block that are a little ghetto though, so I just don't know.

It's Tuesday...

so maybe you're wondering whether or not my appeal was granted for school. Well, I bet you would like to know, wouldn't you. But you don't get to, because I won't know until FOUR.

Don't they know this is torture for me? They hold my future in their hands, yet they just won't tell me what I need to know! : (

Goodnight

Never did get that bath today. Here's hoping for tomorrow.


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Job

So, next tuesday, I'll start back to the grind. : )

I had this awful dream last night that I was reassigned to 4 different elementary schools this year. It was awful, and super scary. I prefer middle school/high school, and these kids were pre-k. Not my style.

Well, apparently this dream has been nagging at my subconscious all day. I've just been really worried about whether or not the new legal/policy changes on my job were going to affect me in a major way or not. I was honestly really worried.

At 10:55, I emailed my boss, and just expressed my worries. Not even ten minutes later, my phone chirps that I have an email and before I can read it, she's calling me. She killed all my worries and just totally reassured me. She might be the best boss ever!!

Potty training?

The kid?

No. The freaking dog. Not just the dog, the freaking dog.

She's still in that awful stupid puppy stage. She'd been in Archer's room for her regular dose of toddler torture. I went in and rescued her, and then asked if she needed to go out and potty. She perked her ears up, came running toward me, and stopped halfway--in the carpet--and peed. UUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!

Why do I torture myself?

I'm sitting here at almost midnight, watching food network, and seeing my friends talk about food on facebook. I'm starving! We had a fish fry at Chance's parents, and it was good, but now I'm feeling hungry again. I now I just need to go to bed, but man, I'm glad my fridge is empty.  : )

Introductions are in Order

So for a few months, we've really been talking about getting a new dog. I'm a dog lover, and have always had a dog. These past 18 months without a dog are probably the longest I've ever been without a dog. It was awesome for a while, one less thing to care about. BUT, when Chance and Archer go to bed without me, I get lonely.

Chance's parents have dogs, and Archer is great with them. He loves all animals. He actually desperately wanted a fish one day at walmart, but his daddy wouldn't let him have one.

So before our vacation I started scouring petfinders. It's a website and an awesome iPhone app for people who want to get their pet from a shelter. I looked, and looked, and looked. And didn't find what I wanted at a shelter, not to mention the shelters around here are very rigorous as to who they adopt out to.

It is with regret that I admit, we did not get a shelter dog. I know many of my friends will be disappointed in me for saying that, but we tried. I just knew what kind of dog I wanted, and there weren't any within hundreds of miles.

We found what we wanted on the locals news station's classified ads. We got her from a family who raises dogs, not from a puppy mill or a big breeder. They were very nice people, a teacher and a stay at home mom. They had two kids, who adored the puppies and kept asking if I was going to give them back or take them home.

We brought the puppy home, to a very loving little boy who was just thrilled. His little eyes just lit up when he saw her. After several hours of not having a name, she is now...

Sadie!

Archer is so thrilled every morning when he wakes up and sees Ms. Sadie. His smile brightens, and he says, "HI SADIE!!" : ) In his super sweet voice.

A divorce poll

I was thinking a while back about the high divorce rates in the United States. Oklahoma is only 2nd or 3rd behind Nevada in divorce rates. My parents have been divorced, and are now remarried. Chance's parents have filed for divorce, but ended up not going through with it. My best friend's parents are divorced. Actually all but one of my friends' parents divorced. So, if you believe that the statistics that say 50% of all marriages end in divorce, then either your marriage or mine will be ended before it's all said and done. Food for thought.

Now for the poll.

Psycho Analysis

So, if you're behind or haven't noticed, I'm enrolled in my millionth year as a Master's student. I'm not only pursuing, but full on chasing my dream to be a counselor. I started out wanting to be a school counselor. I actually wanted to be a school counselor in HS, but didn't know where to go to get that degree. Now that I'm almost finished, I really want to be a community counselor. I want the hours of a school counselor, but I want to be able to work with everyone. I'm torn. But that's not the point, just the background.

While studying, and reading about the different theories of counseling, I stumbled across ways to deal with anxiety. It wasn't that important to me years ago when I had my early psych classes because I didn't have any anxiety. I didn't know anyone with anxiety...Except, I just didn't know it.

I read a journal article (if you remember anything about psychology and college, it has to be journal articles) about ways to recognize and treat different types of childhood anxiety. One in particular was natural environment phobia. This includes an irrational fear of tornadoes, earthquakes, fires, and heights. Well, when there are thunderstorms, I am literally a wreck. I get an upset stomach first thing of the day when I see that we are due for severe weather. I get headaches, and when they are close, I'm just uncontrollable upset. My heart races, I'm all jittery, can't focus on anything. Turns out that's anxiety.

I also feel the exact same way while up high. I didn't really recognize that one until we rode the aerial tram up a mountain in Estes Park. It's not super scary, I just don't like the feeling or watching the Earth fly past, underneath me. It's sickening, more like motion sickness than anxiety. But, we get up there, and there is a huge fence. But that doesn't really keep me feeling safe. I still feel like I'm falling. I still have this overwhelming feeling that I'm going to fall, or Archer, or someone else I care about. I had to stay on the walk way and couldn't go on the rocks with Archer or even watch him because I was so worried that something would happen.

It wasn't until I needed to go sit down that I realized that what I was feeling. I was overwhelmingly scared to death that something was going to happen. So, now that I know what it is, I'm ready to try and deal with it! : )

Now for the up

While my life has had a few major bumps over the past few weeks, there were also big ups!

Firstly, Chance and I fell in love with CO. We absolutely loved the weather and scenery. He loved the ability to hop on your bike or in your car and buy fresh, healthy food. There are bikers and cyclists all over Boulder, where there are acutal lanes for them to drive on. We went on a two mile hike, and it was awesome.

Even though I went on finals week, I made 100 on one of my tests, and my semester grades were two A's and a B.

We also got a super sweet little puppy out of the deal. Her name is Sadie. I had such a hard time naming her, usually it only takes an hour or so. I prefer names that are just on the other side of what you would name your children. For example, my last two dogs were Titus and Malley. Both are fun names, but on the edge of too contemporary for kids names. Chance's dog who I named was Briggs. I actually would name my kid that, if I hadn't already named my dog that. So feel free anyone. : )

Another up, Chance and my dad found a job, and will be starting next week. That means, I will have a whole week all to myself, to snuggle with Archer before I'm back to work. It also means he will get twice the money he's getting for unemployment right now.

So, thanks for listening to my whining yesterday, hope you enjoyed the happiness today.

Ugh...

So, I'm apparently taking a cue from Nobody. I'm back from vacay, but if we go back a bit, let me whine the last two weeks for you.

Firstly, my month old laptop's hard drive failed. Month old...failed. Lost lots of pictures. Very sad about that. Then, they told me they could send me a new one. But guess what, it didn't have any software preloaded so that windows would recognize it upon putting it in. Oh, so that means you have to send it in. How am I going to send it in, I'm leave for vacation for 10 days tomorrow?

Luckily, my cousin was able to come by and pack it up and send it off in the box they sent in. She was staying at my moms to take care of the garden and goat, and pool. She probably had more fun than we did. Eh, probably not, but I'm in a whining mood.

Then, on the first day of the trip, my mom and sister got on my nerves because they can't read maps, took us forever out of the way, and got all snippy when I informed them of it. My mom didn't want it to be a rushed affair, she just wanted everyone to enjoy the drive. But, that's just not possible with a whining, cranky, teething toddler in the back seat. Once we got to our hotel, it was OK. It wasn't worth the 120 we spent, but it was ok.

Next, we headed to eat. We walked, even though the women of my family insisted it was going to rain. Guess what happened? It not only rained, it flooded and stormed. Chance ran and got my sister's expedition because it was the only one big enough for us to all fit in.

Remember I said it was raining, well guess what I was wearing? Flip flops. Do you know what rain + flipflops equals? Falling. I busted it hard on the concrete. My knee is still bruised and yellow and that was almost two weeks ago.

Inside the hotel, Archer fell and busted his bottom lip. This was his first blood wound, and it was running out of his mouth.

The next day wasn't bad. Just a super long trip, with lots of traffic. We got to stop in at Whole Foods, which was a major plus. The next day we got to our cabin in Estes Park. It was gorgeous up there.

Of course, my mom planned the trip during the only open week, which happened to fall on finals week. I had an essay exam which consisted of 2 questions, but each needed to be 5 pages. Plus several discussions, plus 2 actual tests, and another paper. All of that took the first two days of my vacay, and I would like them back. Thanks.

And then...I feel like the Asian lady from "Dude, Where's My Car?" Anyway, the second night at the cabin Archer fell head first out of a big boy swing while his daddy was pushing him too high. He was really shaken up, but not hurt. Not 10 minutes later, he was pushing his truck and hit himself in the face with it, busting his top lip and gum. More blood. : (

Vacation went up from there.

On the way home, one of my prof's asks if I was planning on turning my final in or just failing? I turned it in 5 days before on Monday. So that was a bit of heart fail. Got it all figured out, but it was still scary.

Yesterday, we went to get a puppy for me, I mean, Archer. : ) We took Arch to Chance's parents because we had to drive a few hours to pick her up. As we tried to leave his parents, the car wouldn't start. You know that car I just bought with only 70k miles. I'm praying it only needs a new battery.

I also emailed my school yesterday to ensure my financial aid was good to go for fall, they said yes, looks great. Today I get an email letter saying I'm suspended from recieving funds. Apparently you are only allotted 48 hours to complete a master's degree. Didn't know that. But, even then, I need 60 total to get all of my classes for the LPC track. So, I put in an appeal letter. I'm praying it's granted, otherwise, the money I was expecting will not be coming in. (I know, never count your eggs, but it's hard not to.) Also, if not granted, I will not be continuing or finishing my degree. I'm sick with worry and stalking my email for any news. I can't wait much longer, but the news won't be in until Friday.