Our Blessed Existence: February 4th 2013, Part Three

A barrage of other doctors came through, still asking the same questions. An older (non-student) doctor came in and spoke more at length. Archer was being admitted, they would be doing an MRI in the morning.

Chance and I just sat there, staring at each other, staring at Archer. We didn't know what to do or what to think. Or what to say, how do you tell people news like that? I sent a text to some family members letting them know, and also asking them to pass the information on so I wouldn't have to tell everyone. It was so surreal and such a strange feeling to be sitting in this hospital room, hearing news like this. It was just the three of us, and I felt like it was a dream.

Archer was scared, but he wasn't really asking questions. They came and put an IV in and he was so upset. He was going through a phase where shots and pain were so scary and nearly traumatizing. It wasn't the typical fear of a shot, he was having anxiety about the pain that he thought he might feel. I sang "You Are My Sunshine" like an iPod on repeat, trying to keep him calm and happy. As calm and happy as possible anyway.

That was my goal, my job as his mother. He didn't need to know that I was scared out of my mind or that his daddy had tears in his eyes as he sat behind him. So we held it together, we accepted that this was part of God's plan and he would see us through it.

I left the hospital when they were moving him to a new room so that I could go see Foster and nurse him before he went to bed. My mind was racing in the car alone, had I done this? My grandma and all of her siblings had cancer. Were my genes causing this?

After praying and then seeing and holding Foster, I felt better. It was like a weight had been lifted. I prayed for peace and acceptance, and I got it. I went back to the hospital renewed and ready to face whatever was coming.

He could only eat until midnight because his MRI was scheduled for the next morning. At this point he'd only had a few chicken nuggets and then he fell asleep before he could eat much else. He was miserable with the IV in his arm, but he actually went to sleep and slept for a little while. He was extremely restless though, and woke up early when the doctors came in for rounds the next day.

So that was our first day, to the best of my knowledge. I'm still working on the following days posts, trying to keep the memories separated by day.