Down

I'm in a funk. 

I get this way every semester about this time, but this is worse. I have so much homework that needs to be done and not enough time to do it all in. 

I need to be doing it now, but I just can't seem to make myself. Eventually I'm going to get in a mode where I do nothing but homework. I'll have to if I want to finish.

It's harder this time because I'm doing it on my own half the time. I can't just lock myself up in the bedroom and crack down because there's no one to watch Archer. I could do it when the husband was home, but he's gone so often that I don't want to waste time doing homework when we could be hanging out.

Then I think I want to start walking and exercising now that the weather is decent. Except, I have homework to do. Even though I'm not really doing it.

I'm a procrastinator. I always have been. Really, I have no self-discipline. It's not a secret. I'm very aware of it, since it affects all areas of my life. My house is never clean enough. I don't eat the way I should or exercise enough. I don't have a set schedule anywhere but at work. Archer doesn't get a bath nightly, because by the time I'm finished, the last thing I want to do is bathe him. 

I know all of this about myself, I just can't seem to change it. It's a vicious cycle. 

I feel so overwhelmed. There isn't enough of me to go around. I have so much on my plate, school, work, husband, kid, myself. I'm too selfish of a person to not put myself in there. I can't pretend that I don't need things too. I feel like everyone and everything is demanding something of me and I can't do it all every day. If I manage to take care of my husband, kid, and pick up the house, that's all I can do for the day. Homework and work get a smaller piece of the pie. Except homework is overwhelming and demanding and if I keep putting it off, I won't finish and I won't graduate.

Hopefully soon I'll get my homework done. And then after that I'll exercise.